She’s Real

Pictured: Ariel Sansaricq

Pictured: Ariel Sansaricq

Some girls need a baller because they’re so high maintenance. She doesn’t need a man for anything, but still shows appreciation.

Some girls don’t get treated right, and get revenge by cheating. If she ain’t getting treated right, she’ll let you know by leaving.

Some girls will roll your weed for you, and play video games. She’s going to make sure you eating right and proof read your resumé.

For likes and comments, some girls will take pictures of their ass. She’d rather get looked over and pose in pictures with class.

Some girls beg for attention by twerking, and can bust it open. She gets respect by working, and would rather stay focused.

Some girls won’t leave the house unless their weave’s tight in the lacefront. She has so much confidence, she hardly even wears make up.

Some girls dodge boredom by giving any guy sex. She’d rather be lonely than settle for less.

Some girls strive to be the baddest bitch they can be. You call her bad or a bitch, and watch how fast she’ll leave.

Some girls beg for a ring so they can get you for half. She waits patiently then helps you double what you already had.

Some girls make it clap, but she deserves an applause ’cause while she never could fit in, she remained real through it all.

10 Things HE Wishes You Understood

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*It’s ok to laugh. :)*

1. He does like to cuddle, but not when he’s horny, hungry, or sleepy.

2. “What he won’t do another man will”. Then remember that when it’s time for him to pay child support.

3. Even if he didn’t have something to hide, nothing good will ever come out of you going through his phone.

4. If a woman who cleans is outdated, then don’t go digging up chivalry when it’s time to pay the dinner tab either.

5. Stop giving your self an insult so he can correct you with a compliment.

6. If he has to be the one to put his life on the line when shit gets real, then yes, he expects you to cook.

7. It’s not that he’s tired of listening to you, he’s tired of hearing you talk. The listening stopped long ago.

8. No he won’t hit you, but daring him to doesn’t help the situation.

9. The silent treatment is like sending a rich kid to his room. He only pretends it’s punishment.

10. There’ll always be some girl that doesn’t have the flaws you do, but he’ll love you regardless.

-Derrick Jaxn

12 Things She Wishes You Understood

1.She’s a lover, but she’ll fight for you.

2.She’s not jealous, she just doesn’t want to lose you.

3.She’s not just emotional, she’s passionate.

4.She’s not stupid, she just trusted you.

5.She’s not needy, but she deserves your attention.

6.She’s not insecure, but she wants you to find her attractive.

7.She’s not rushing things, she just doesn’t have time for games.

8.She’s not judgmental, she just realizes your potential.

9.She doesn’t have trust issues, but she hates being lied to.

10.She loves the thought of being all yours, but not if you flirt with everyone else.

11.She’s not “too sensitive”, but she does have feelings.

12.She knows she’s complicated, but she still wishes you understood. 

-Derrick Jaxn

Black Woman Throws Baby to Fight

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Skip to 1:40 to see the worst of it

Black women, yes I’m speaking to you and ONLY you. I have a problem with the percentage of you who do things like this daily. If you’re AVERAGE you’re already getting ready to do one of three things which is:

1. Point out men as to how they contribute to the problem or other races who do it too(deferment)

2. Say it’s not your fault, it’s society’s fault, or

3. Dismiss and bash me for ‘hating’ black women.

At some point, you have to take a look in the mirror and take FULL accountability for YOUR actions.
Somebody raised this mother, and this mother is going to raise this little black girl she threw across the bus to be another black woman doing the same shit. STOP having these children if this is what kind of example you’re going to be. STOP blaming everyone else for causing a problem that you continue to facilitate and then defer to everything around you. YES you have obstacles, more so than anyone else, but the more you use that defense mechanism as a crutch, the less focus we give to the solution. You can’t honestly say you love and adore your children if this is what you’re showing them they should grow up to be like.

Take your role as a mother seriously. Whatever it is you do, just remember that you’re teaching your child to be just like you. I’m not bashing you, I’m being that one real friend in your corner who’s tapping you on your shoulder letting you know that you’re way out of line. Twerking videos, fighting, cussing everyone out, beating your kids senseless, half naked mirror pics, NOT working while collecting government aid checks. That shit ain’t cute. And it needs to stop.

I challenge you, for ONCE, to just humble yourself and say, “You know what, we do need to do better. We’re not the only problem, but we do more than enough to contribute to it with our actions.” Not for me, but for the little girl in the video thrown across the bus.

-Derrick Jaxn

The “I’m Just Not Ready for A Relationship” Talk

Written by: Derrick Jaxn

A lot of women wrestle with this and believe it or not, so do men. You can’t understand why your love wasn’t enough to make him change. I understand, but what you don’t is that if a man really loves you, his conscience starts resting on what you deserve over what you’re willing to put up with to make things work. Yes we are in control of our actions, but not our urges. They come without our permission and fighting repeated urges causes an internal struggle that’s much less comfortable than just acting on them. So when they put you in harm’s way, it becomes necessary to try and move you out of the line of fire. Opening doors and pulling out chairs is nice, but it doesn’t get any more chivalrous than complete honesty.Image

Stopping him from leaving won’t stop his feelings of not being ready. He can’t flip the “Ok I’m Ready Now” switch because you argue, cry, or explain how much you believe in him. Staying is going to place more guilt on him, intensify the feeling of being trapped, or even worse leave him with the “well I tried” excuse to stop resisting himself. The reason why he isn’t ready in the first place stems from cold world survival tactics he developed long before you came into the picture by either:

1.the efforts  to assimilate into a culture that praised this behavior(society)

or

 2.from the intent on never getting attached to a single female after that one girl who broke his heart.

So why even get in a relationship if you’re not ready?

ImageWhy do we buy things we can’t afford? Why do we drink more alcohol than we can handle? Because our aspirations tend to write checks that our judgment doesn’t cash. Just like you, we also have the misconception that true love will shape our urges along with our actions. That’s what we’re sold by love songs, the Twilight saga, and other bullshit media that knows exactly what we want to hear. However, our hormones don’t fall in love when we do. They’re going to (be ready to) do what we’ve trained them to do, not what we learned in church was the right thing or promised that one night we looked you in your eye. This is not to say that men can’t settle down after having a promiscuous past, but he definitely has to mature past that part of his life. It’s not about you or how he feels about you. Whether or not he’s loyal doesn’t depend on his level of affection the same way how broke you are doesn’t depend on how expensive something is. You either are or you aren’t.

There’s also this blissful feeling you get when you first realize you’ve found somebody who is perfect for you. It’s a false advertisement of what it’s going to be like over the course of the years to come(if you make it that long). They’re constantly on your mind, there’s no cuddling that’s too close, and you love everything about them because there’s an infatuation and true love mixture that’s simply unreal. I call it the First Rep phenomena. When you’re working out, you might do your first squat rep and say ‘hmm, that wasn’t so bad, I can do this at least 20 more times.’ Then comes the lactic acid through your legs, tightening of your muscles, and the shortness of breath that’s a reminder that you’re new to this and probably need to pace yourself if you’re going to make it to work tomorrow. So when men feel the First Rep phenomena, we think that it’s the feeling of “Ok I’m Ready Now” finally coming to save us from ourselves.

But when the love is no longer new, and nobody cares about you being a cute couple anymore, and you start noticing habits that annoy the hell out of you, you come back down to earth; and you know what’s waiting on us when we get there? A responsibility to maintain the relationship even without the superhuman strength that initial blissful feeling gave us. That’s when we’re faced with the grim reality that being faithful isn’t a feeling, it’s a mindset. A mindset that’s everything but the one we developed over the years because the world taught us how to get what we want, not how to keep what we need. He’s not playing games with you by telling you he’s not ready and if it was as simple as a decision, he’d make it. It doesn’t matter how much you cook, how freaky you can get, or how much you hold him down so don’t take a responsibility in his maturation. This is something a man has to get through on his own because no matter how good of a woman you are, if he’s not ready, it won’t even matter.  

Image-Derrick Jaxn

Poetic Injustice

Written by: @DerrickJaxnImageAll through life I’ve been given everything I’ve ever needed, yet my desires conflicted or far exceeded causing me frustration every day and me to take for granted those blessings unjustly sent my way. I don’t know the difference between me and who I aspire to be; not for social acceptance, but for an impact on lives I hope will validate mine; emptiness fills my home, the outcasts of the world are no longer alone, I know in my mind what is right but I feel in my heart what is wrong. I was told time would change one to match the other but it’s already taken too long and the less my patience, the less my endurance, the less my assurance that “everything will be ok.”  Constantly deferred to religion only to deepen my depression with unattainable goals of inhumane perfection and holiness. I am not overwhelmed by life but by the irresistible temptation of death. Death to the turmoil, death to heartache, death to pretending, and death to broken trusts have turned life into a burden and death into lust. It’s a disturbing reality that only death can solve but while the days drag on death doesn’t revolve… And when I’m too much of a coward to face the solution, I escape with drugs, my slow execution. My seal of forfeit of the effort to keep on keepin’ on. My white flag of defeat and submission to every force that ever worked against me. My merciful plea to the judge who sentenced me to the imprisonment of expectations and the inability to meet. The cocaine unlocked my shackles and repeated twists of the key kept them off. It was my sweet escape, my blissful journey to eternal freedom. I could finally be with the other refugees from sanity to the eternal kingdom of emotional rest. The final solution. My relieving, comforting, peaceful death.

What makes you more afraid; Me or the fact that at some point, you could actually relate?

-Derrick Jaxn

How Facebook Can Keep You Miserable…If You Let It

Written by @DerrickJaxn

Once upon a time, someone told Mark Zuckerburg that perception is reality, so he created Facebook; the facilitator of insecurity, assumptions, and all things drama. It’s cost effective if you need an irresponsible outlet for your personal business. It also makes it easier to fine tune your public perception no matter how inaccurately it depicts the real you; Yet and still, it’s convincing enough to make you believe everyone else’s facade so that you still get “addicted” to it as you’ve probably already admitted some time or another. Funny thing about Facebook is, it needs low self-esteem and a lack of role models to thrive and in America, the pickings are plentiful. Magazines of super models paved the way and “reality” TV is carrying the torch. Together, they have now formed an Avengers-like super group to make sure you remain intolerable to the imperfections that keep you from being like everyone else. Here’s how.

Pinocchio Love Stories

ImageWhether it’s the picture of a rare date night or a subliminary reference to a man that a girl pretends she has like “Cuddling with him.” Or “Can’t wait to see him today. <3” You get that feeling of ‘awe how come she has that and I don’t’, when really you don’t know what she has and of course she  knows that. I’ve seen it happen where girls will literally false advertise a relationship they don’t have just to avoid looking as lonely as they are. Besides, everybody goes through things; rarely will people stop to pose for a picture when they do. So don’t think that just because you see couples’ pics of them cross eyed making clown faces or giving piggy back rides in the park that love passed by your doorstep. You’re only going to make that great guy you do have wonder why he’s not living up to your expectations.

It may possibly be time for you to be constructively single but you can’t shake the illusion that all the happy people seem to have someone to call their own.

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Pay attention to detail…..

It’s not fun dodging questions when you’re just the bridesmaid or on those lonely nights with your remote and ice cream, but that’s better than crying your eyes out because you don’t know where your man is and he’s only texting you back instead of returning your calls. Look at the bright side, it’s better to be single and alone instead of in a relationship and being faithful to a guy who treats you like shit and has sex with your best friend still lonely.

Tax Return Diddy

There’s always that one guy who stacks together his life’s savings to pose for his flip phone camera picture. Why? Because maybe you’ll see it and believe it’s not his rent money that he harassed the bank teller into giving him change for so he could stunt on you. Don’t be impressed by bad priorities.Image Chances are Meek Millz is his only financial advisor and he has 6 kids that can barely get a new coat for school. The new generation of “Try So Hard Muh-fuckas Wanna Find Me” University has evolved the game to pictures of J’s, marijuana, and new outfits they’re keeping the receipt for. The faces change but the game remains the same. You just need to decide whether you’re content being the player or ready to referee.

Maury Auditions

There’s no reason why who you slept with last night or what’s going on in your relationship needs to go viral. Believe it or not, your personal profile is anything but personal. Any problem you’re having with your man should be settled with him directly and calling him out is only going to add fire to the flame, even if it makes you feel like you got your revenge for him disagreeing with you. Besides, the only people that would want to hear about your relationship troubles are glad you’re having them, so stop using a stage to hang your dirty laundry. 

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Even worse is when you “let somebody have it” through your status update hoping they see. Congratulations, you just took thumb wrestling to a whole new level. Facebook statuses are the new firearms and these drive-by’s you’re doing make you look smaller than the thumbnail of your profile picture. No man looks at a girl who does that and thinks, “Wow, I’d love to make her my wife.”

Magic Photoshop Wand

ImageA picture is worth a thousand words, and some people are compulsive liars. As a photographer, I understand the creative aspect of it and even why a professional would want that zit-free head shot. But Rosa Parks did not die so we could abuse this software to become the unrealistic version of ourselves in every mirror pic we post.

Now close your eyes and think of the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “Beautiful”. If Halle Berry, Tyra Banks, or Nene Lekes popped up, you have a problem. Those women built their brands with professional make-up artists, hair dressers, and image consultants to present to you as their every-day selves when they don’t even brush their teeth without the help of a glam squad. When you think of “beautiful”, something about yourself should come to mind immediately, and if it doesn’t then it’s time to start training yourself to think that way. You’ll never be as good as what someone else can pretend to be, and your insecurities make themselves at home in your efforts to do so. ImageIt really doesn’t matter how pretty you are if you can only see it in someone else’s mirror and to a real man, confidence is much more attractive in the long run than any physical attribute. Give yourself that confidence through a concerted effort of loving you without the aid of a Facebook like or comment.

The point is, Facebook is meant to make you feel just a little bit less than, particularly if you indulge in it on an every few moments hourly basis. Not everyone is equipped with the maturation to handle such a freedom to be someone else, and that’s ok. Just keep yourself out of that group and recognize them when you see them. It’s tough to know when Facebook has begun infiltrating your happiness but a key indicator is when it’s your go-to for real life information on what someone’s doing or for when you need to talk to somebody about something that’s on your mind. You have to learn to be a little more responsible and stingy with your trust. You know the real you, yet you perceive the ideal version of everyone else. Keep that in proper context because while you are beautiful, it won’t even matter if your perception convinces you otherwise.

Image-Derrick Jaxn