12 Things She Wishes You Understood

1.She’s a lover, but she’ll fight for you.

2.She’s not jealous, she just doesn’t want to lose you.

3.She’s not just emotional, she’s passionate.

4.She’s not stupid, she just trusted you.

5.She’s not needy, but she deserves your attention.

6.She’s not insecure, but she wants you to find her attractive.

7.She’s not rushing things, she just doesn’t have time for games.

8.She’s not judgmental, she just realizes your potential.

9.She doesn’t have trust issues, but she hates being lied to.

10.She loves the thought of being all yours, but not if you flirt with everyone else.

11.She’s not “too sensitive”, but she does have feelings.

12.She knows she’s complicated, but she still wishes you understood. 

-Derrick Jaxn

Trust Issues: How to Prevent Them

There’s a small group of people in this world that have never been betrayed or had their trust broken. As for the other 100% of us, we have or have had our share of trust issues. In my attempt to diagnose, prevent, and cure them, I’ve found that trust issues in essence are rooted in fear. The way that we normally rectify our fears is to face them but with matters of the heart, that can yield some very severe drawbacks. If you’re like most people then you’ve probably resulted to a state of “emotional independence” where we refuse to trust anyone again with our heart. Despite that all or nothing alternative that rarely works, I’ve come up with a few ways to steer clear of trust issues.

One way is to alter our expectations of what it means to be “trustworthy”. Given that we’re dealing with humans, we have to allow room for some mistakes; Alter, but not lower them so that we don’t become people’s doormats.Too many times we expect people to keep it 100% “real” with us but how many people are that with themselves? You for instance; how many times have you told yourself that you “don’t care” or “won’t do that again” without so much as crossing your fingers?…..Don’t worry, I’ll wait…….

Another way to lessen your chance of acquiring trust issues is to lengthen the time it takes for a person to gain your trust. No, I don’t mean haze them as a way of proving themselves. More times than not, your “trust boot camp” will only run them away. Just take your time. Lies are normally impatient but the truth is in no hurry, so give it time to reveal itself as just that.

The last way is to observe that person’s moral fiber. If they have none, you can count on them to hold very little importance on things like trust. People tend to be consistent with their character so don’t think someone is going to lie to everybody they know except you. This is where the quote “How he treats his momma is how he’ll treat you” comes from.

Other than that, you’ll have to take your risks just like everyone else. Just remember, the biggest risk is not taking one. 🙂

-Jaxn

Why You Shouldn’t Wait ’til Marriage to Have Sex

There was a 20 something year old young lady who consulted with me after reading my previous blogs. She was juggling her decision to stop having sex until marriage. It caught me off guard a bit, but coincidentally I do have a stance on the subject in which I told her she shouldn’t stop having sex….here’s why:

Notice, I didn’t say that it’s wrong to be celibate because generally speaking it’d be ideal for everyone to wait until marriage. Outside of various religious norms, it actually would save you a lot of trouble if you have a commitment  in the eyes of the law to the person you’re giving yourself to physically. Her situation was different in her reasons why she wanted to be celibate yet similar to so many women in today’s society. This particular young lady was tired of “putting out” with cooking, cleaning, and catering overall to her guy of interest and felt like it wasn’t fair that he was satisfied and she wasn’t with his lack of commitment.

Her way of settling the score was to cut off sex until he decided he wanted to settle down and that was the red flag that brought me to my decision. Ladies, you can’t trick a man into settling down with you, even if you use the most powerful thing in the world, vagina. It’s convenient to believe this is the best route because you will in fact hit him where it hurts, but your retaliation to not getting what you want won’t be very effective in yielding the results you’re looking for. Abruptly cutting a man off from sex without mutually agreeing it’d be beneficial to both of you will only leave him with a bruised ego and looking for another sexual outlet to restore his esteem. I advised her to not only cut off sex, but be prepared to cut off everything including her feelings until he was ready for the full package. Being an “all or nothing” deal is your best bet for finding a man who’s ready to settle down, not cutting off sex. Once you let a man know where you stand up front, and get past his initial attempts to hold you to your word, it’ll be much easier to filter out those men who aren’t at least ready to put forth the effort you deserve. Marriage at that point will only be a name change and paper work, and sex won’t even be an issue. 🙂

-Jaxn