About derrickjaxn archives

A man is as a man does; not says, hopes, nor promises. Derrick Jaxn(Jackson), a native of Enterprise, Alabama, found his purpose in his exceptional ability to impact lives by relating to others through literature. As the youngest of 5 in a single parent household, he witnessed his mother overcome life threatening illnesses while working multiple jobs, which would later become the catalyst in his drive to impose a standard of excellence, logic, and originality on a world dictated by blind conformity. Derrick Jaxn founded a non-profit teen mentoring organization, won national and multiple conference football championships, was a community leader, and landed a position in Fortune 500 corporate America, all before completing his undergraduate studies at the historic Tuskegee University. While his story is nothing short of inspirational, more importantly, it's only just begun. In a considerably short amount of time, he's taken his personal blog from being a diary of thought and perspective, to a lifestyle pulpit that millions have experienced and found value in for themselves. Popular articles such as "12 Things She Wishes You Understood" and "The Wake Up Call, Sincerely Trayvon Martin" have been shared among social network users over 75,000 times each. Even as a lifestyle blogger, Jaxn continues to express himself across various mediums, in particular his highly anticipated first publication, "A Cheating Man's Heart". He has an undeniable talent, unwavering ambition, and boundless potential to be one of the most influential men of his generation.

Black Woman Throws Baby to Fight

Video

Skip to 1:40 to see the worst of it

Black women, yes I’m speaking to you and ONLY you. I have a problem with the percentage of you who do things like this daily. If you’re AVERAGE you’re already getting ready to do one of three things which is:

1. Point out men as to how they contribute to the problem or other races who do it too(deferment)

2. Say it’s not your fault, it’s society’s fault, or

3. Dismiss and bash me for ‘hating’ black women.

At some point, you have to take a look in the mirror and take FULL accountability for YOUR actions.
Somebody raised this mother, and this mother is going to raise this little black girl she threw across the bus to be another black woman doing the same shit. STOP having these children if this is what kind of example you’re going to be. STOP blaming everyone else for causing a problem that you continue to facilitate and then defer to everything around you. YES you have obstacles, more so than anyone else, but the more you use that defense mechanism as a crutch, the less focus we give to the solution. You can’t honestly say you love and adore your children if this is what you’re showing them they should grow up to be like.

Take your role as a mother seriously. Whatever it is you do, just remember that you’re teaching your child to be just like you. I’m not bashing you, I’m being that one real friend in your corner who’s tapping you on your shoulder letting you know that you’re way out of line. Twerking videos, fighting, cussing everyone out, beating your kids senseless, half naked mirror pics, NOT working while collecting government aid checks. That shit ain’t cute. And it needs to stop.

I challenge you, for ONCE, to just humble yourself and say, “You know what, we do need to do better. We’re not the only problem, but we do more than enough to contribute to it with our actions.” Not for me, but for the little girl in the video thrown across the bus.

-Derrick Jaxn

The “I’m Just Not Ready for A Relationship” Talk

Written by: Derrick Jaxn

A lot of women wrestle with this and believe it or not, so do men. You can’t understand why your love wasn’t enough to make him change. I understand, but what you don’t is that if a man really loves you, his conscience starts resting on what you deserve over what you’re willing to put up with to make things work. Yes we are in control of our actions, but not our urges. They come without our permission and fighting repeated urges causes an internal struggle that’s much less comfortable than just acting on them. So when they put you in harm’s way, it becomes necessary to try and move you out of the line of fire. Opening doors and pulling out chairs is nice, but it doesn’t get any more chivalrous than complete honesty.Image

Stopping him from leaving won’t stop his feelings of not being ready. He can’t flip the “Ok I’m Ready Now” switch because you argue, cry, or explain how much you believe in him. Staying is going to place more guilt on him, intensify the feeling of being trapped, or even worse leave him with the “well I tried” excuse to stop resisting himself. The reason why he isn’t ready in the first place stems from cold world survival tactics he developed long before you came into the picture by either:

1.the efforts  to assimilate into a culture that praised this behavior(society)

or

 2.from the intent on never getting attached to a single female after that one girl who broke his heart.

So why even get in a relationship if you’re not ready?

ImageWhy do we buy things we can’t afford? Why do we drink more alcohol than we can handle? Because our aspirations tend to write checks that our judgment doesn’t cash. Just like you, we also have the misconception that true love will shape our urges along with our actions. That’s what we’re sold by love songs, the Twilight saga, and other bullshit media that knows exactly what we want to hear. However, our hormones don’t fall in love when we do. They’re going to (be ready to) do what we’ve trained them to do, not what we learned in church was the right thing or promised that one night we looked you in your eye. This is not to say that men can’t settle down after having a promiscuous past, but he definitely has to mature past that part of his life. It’s not about you or how he feels about you. Whether or not he’s loyal doesn’t depend on his level of affection the same way how broke you are doesn’t depend on how expensive something is. You either are or you aren’t.

There’s also this blissful feeling you get when you first realize you’ve found somebody who is perfect for you. It’s a false advertisement of what it’s going to be like over the course of the years to come(if you make it that long). They’re constantly on your mind, there’s no cuddling that’s too close, and you love everything about them because there’s an infatuation and true love mixture that’s simply unreal. I call it the First Rep phenomena. When you’re working out, you might do your first squat rep and say ‘hmm, that wasn’t so bad, I can do this at least 20 more times.’ Then comes the lactic acid through your legs, tightening of your muscles, and the shortness of breath that’s a reminder that you’re new to this and probably need to pace yourself if you’re going to make it to work tomorrow. So when men feel the First Rep phenomena, we think that it’s the feeling of “Ok I’m Ready Now” finally coming to save us from ourselves.

But when the love is no longer new, and nobody cares about you being a cute couple anymore, and you start noticing habits that annoy the hell out of you, you come back down to earth; and you know what’s waiting on us when we get there? A responsibility to maintain the relationship even without the superhuman strength that initial blissful feeling gave us. That’s when we’re faced with the grim reality that being faithful isn’t a feeling, it’s a mindset. A mindset that’s everything but the one we developed over the years because the world taught us how to get what we want, not how to keep what we need. He’s not playing games with you by telling you he’s not ready and if it was as simple as a decision, he’d make it. It doesn’t matter how much you cook, how freaky you can get, or how much you hold him down so don’t take a responsibility in his maturation. This is something a man has to get through on his own because no matter how good of a woman you are, if he’s not ready, it won’t even matter.  

Image-Derrick Jaxn

Poetic Injustice

Written by: @DerrickJaxnImageAll through life I’ve been given everything I’ve ever needed, yet my desires conflicted or far exceeded causing me frustration every day and me to take for granted those blessings unjustly sent my way. I don’t know the difference between me and who I aspire to be; not for social acceptance, but for an impact on lives I hope will validate mine; emptiness fills my home, the outcasts of the world are no longer alone, I know in my mind what is right but I feel in my heart what is wrong. I was told time would change one to match the other but it’s already taken too long and the less my patience, the less my endurance, the less my assurance that “everything will be ok.”  Constantly deferred to religion only to deepen my depression with unattainable goals of inhumane perfection and holiness. I am not overwhelmed by life but by the irresistible temptation of death. Death to the turmoil, death to heartache, death to pretending, and death to broken trusts have turned life into a burden and death into lust. It’s a disturbing reality that only death can solve but while the days drag on death doesn’t revolve… And when I’m too much of a coward to face the solution, I escape with drugs, my slow execution. My seal of forfeit of the effort to keep on keepin’ on. My white flag of defeat and submission to every force that ever worked against me. My merciful plea to the judge who sentenced me to the imprisonment of expectations and the inability to meet. The cocaine unlocked my shackles and repeated twists of the key kept them off. It was my sweet escape, my blissful journey to eternal freedom. I could finally be with the other refugees from sanity to the eternal kingdom of emotional rest. The final solution. My relieving, comforting, peaceful death.

What makes you more afraid; Me or the fact that at some point, you could actually relate?

-Derrick Jaxn

How Facebook Can Keep You Miserable…If You Let It

Written by @DerrickJaxn

Once upon a time, someone told Mark Zuckerburg that perception is reality, so he created Facebook; the facilitator of insecurity, assumptions, and all things drama. It’s cost effective if you need an irresponsible outlet for your personal business. It also makes it easier to fine tune your public perception no matter how inaccurately it depicts the real you; Yet and still, it’s convincing enough to make you believe everyone else’s facade so that you still get “addicted” to it as you’ve probably already admitted some time or another. Funny thing about Facebook is, it needs low self-esteem and a lack of role models to thrive and in America, the pickings are plentiful. Magazines of super models paved the way and “reality” TV is carrying the torch. Together, they have now formed an Avengers-like super group to make sure you remain intolerable to the imperfections that keep you from being like everyone else. Here’s how.

Pinocchio Love Stories

ImageWhether it’s the picture of a rare date night or a subliminary reference to a man that a girl pretends she has like “Cuddling with him.” Or “Can’t wait to see him today. <3” You get that feeling of ‘awe how come she has that and I don’t’, when really you don’t know what she has and of course she  knows that. I’ve seen it happen where girls will literally false advertise a relationship they don’t have just to avoid looking as lonely as they are. Besides, everybody goes through things; rarely will people stop to pose for a picture when they do. So don’t think that just because you see couples’ pics of them cross eyed making clown faces or giving piggy back rides in the park that love passed by your doorstep. You’re only going to make that great guy you do have wonder why he’s not living up to your expectations.

It may possibly be time for you to be constructively single but you can’t shake the illusion that all the happy people seem to have someone to call their own.

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Pay attention to detail…..

It’s not fun dodging questions when you’re just the bridesmaid or on those lonely nights with your remote and ice cream, but that’s better than crying your eyes out because you don’t know where your man is and he’s only texting you back instead of returning your calls. Look at the bright side, it’s better to be single and alone instead of in a relationship and being faithful to a guy who treats you like shit and has sex with your best friend still lonely.

Tax Return Diddy

There’s always that one guy who stacks together his life’s savings to pose for his flip phone camera picture. Why? Because maybe you’ll see it and believe it’s not his rent money that he harassed the bank teller into giving him change for so he could stunt on you. Don’t be impressed by bad priorities.Image Chances are Meek Millz is his only financial advisor and he has 6 kids that can barely get a new coat for school. The new generation of “Try So Hard Muh-fuckas Wanna Find Me” University has evolved the game to pictures of J’s, marijuana, and new outfits they’re keeping the receipt for. The faces change but the game remains the same. You just need to decide whether you’re content being the player or ready to referee.

Maury Auditions

There’s no reason why who you slept with last night or what’s going on in your relationship needs to go viral. Believe it or not, your personal profile is anything but personal. Any problem you’re having with your man should be settled with him directly and calling him out is only going to add fire to the flame, even if it makes you feel like you got your revenge for him disagreeing with you. Besides, the only people that would want to hear about your relationship troubles are glad you’re having them, so stop using a stage to hang your dirty laundry. 

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Even worse is when you “let somebody have it” through your status update hoping they see. Congratulations, you just took thumb wrestling to a whole new level. Facebook statuses are the new firearms and these drive-by’s you’re doing make you look smaller than the thumbnail of your profile picture. No man looks at a girl who does that and thinks, “Wow, I’d love to make her my wife.”

Magic Photoshop Wand

ImageA picture is worth a thousand words, and some people are compulsive liars. As a photographer, I understand the creative aspect of it and even why a professional would want that zit-free head shot. But Rosa Parks did not die so we could abuse this software to become the unrealistic version of ourselves in every mirror pic we post.

Now close your eyes and think of the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “Beautiful”. If Halle Berry, Tyra Banks, or Nene Lekes popped up, you have a problem. Those women built their brands with professional make-up artists, hair dressers, and image consultants to present to you as their every-day selves when they don’t even brush their teeth without the help of a glam squad. When you think of “beautiful”, something about yourself should come to mind immediately, and if it doesn’t then it’s time to start training yourself to think that way. You’ll never be as good as what someone else can pretend to be, and your insecurities make themselves at home in your efforts to do so. ImageIt really doesn’t matter how pretty you are if you can only see it in someone else’s mirror and to a real man, confidence is much more attractive in the long run than any physical attribute. Give yourself that confidence through a concerted effort of loving you without the aid of a Facebook like or comment.

The point is, Facebook is meant to make you feel just a little bit less than, particularly if you indulge in it on an every few moments hourly basis. Not everyone is equipped with the maturation to handle such a freedom to be someone else, and that’s ok. Just keep yourself out of that group and recognize them when you see them. It’s tough to know when Facebook has begun infiltrating your happiness but a key indicator is when it’s your go-to for real life information on what someone’s doing or for when you need to talk to somebody about something that’s on your mind. You have to learn to be a little more responsible and stingy with your trust. You know the real you, yet you perceive the ideal version of everyone else. Keep that in proper context because while you are beautiful, it won’t even matter if your perception convinces you otherwise.

Image-Derrick Jaxn

How To KNOW If She’s The One

As we all know, females can be ruthless when it comes to relationships, but there’s this rare species known as “wife material” that’s out there. Guys usually don’t run into these girls until we’re damaged goods and a product of the screwed up society that told us it was in our nature to be a dumbass. Yeah, many of us outgrow this phase, but more times than not, timing isn’t on our side. For the ones who’re approaching this transition and think they’ve found the one, here are a few things to help you remove all doubt. She’s the one if…

She wasn’t impressed with your corny ass pick up line but gave you a chance anyway because she saw something in you.Image

She was your best friend when your “homeboys” left you hanging.

She could listen to you go on and on about your dreams and hung on every word because she believed in you.

She saw the attention you gave those other girls but still ignored the attention from other guys.

She caught attitudes with you but only because she wanted you to care more and not be afraid to show it.

She changed her hair and couldn’t wait for you to notice but only without her having to point it out.

When you had nothing, she was willing to give up everything to have nothing with you. She wasn’t perfect, but her effort to be there for you was.

She sees her favorite ring in a store and gets excited hoping that you notice without feeling like she’s pressuring you into anything.

She’s the girl that told you the truth when you needed to hear it most and still didn’t judge you.

When you kept coming in late, she was too scared to ask where you were because she might get the truth.

She’s the girl that was so proud to be by your side but you never would hold her hand in public.

She loved you when it was the wrong thing to do. Not because she was stupid, but because she couldn’t shake the feeling that everything you went through together had to mean something to you.

She’s the girl you made cry over and over again until she was out of tears and couldn’t take it anymore.

If that’s her, then she’s the one and you really don’t deserve her.
But if you didn’t do any and everything in your power to get her back and keep her there, then you made the biggest mistake of your life.
-Derrick Jaxn

Valentine’s Day- A Side Chick’s Worst Nightmare

So it’s that time of year where the rose pedals are falling, the wine is pouring, and theImage touchdowns are being scored. If you’re one of the lucky ones, your only challenge is to figure out how to innovate from last year to get exactly what you get at the end of the night you always get. As for the other 80% of single and It’s complicated America, this holiday should be banned. Single women are updating the “Independent Chick” playlists and getting ready to join forces with their single friends and pretend they don’t feel the pressure together. Yet and still, there’s no one with more on their plate than those riding the fence; the mistresses better known as “side-chicks'”

This is something like an American Idol audition for them and they’re either going to Hollywood or getting sent back home after waiting in line for so long for their big break. Oblivious to the fact they’ve been instructed to never tag pictures on Facebook without permission, that there’s never any planned dates but instead a random “Hey let’s chill” text, or how sitting on the edge of the bed watching Netflix is his idea of a dinner date; the hope that she’s really his one and only is still alive. No doubt about it, the side chicks are more nervous than a trick-or-treater asking Jerry Sandusky for candy on Halloween, but I’m here to help. If you want to make sure you’re not getting your hopes up for nothing, answer these questions:

side-chick11. Did your “man” start an argument with you? Starting an argument is a great excuse for a guy to plead his case about why he figured you wouldn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day. If he’s lucky you’ll even give him the silent treatment until it’s over.

2. Does he give you an “I have a dream” speech about why he doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day? Maybe because it’s just a conspiracy from the government to make money or that instead of just one day, every day should be a day to prove one’s affection? Well, if a guy’s really into you, then any reason to treat you special and put a smile on your face is a good one. Just so you know.

3. Is he complaining about hitting tough financial times because he’s still waiting on his tax money? That’s what we call the good ole’ rope-a-dope. Just one of the many ways to stall while Valentine’s Day turns into your way of proving you understand and can hang in there when the going gets tough.

4. Did something come up that’s going to take him out of town on that very day which either means celebrating early or a little later? Right…because it’s the occasion not the actual day that really matters. Truth is, his main girl ain’t tryna hear that, but you don’t have much of a choice.  It’s either that or just get straight up cut from the team; Or even worse, stood up.

Now you may have answered ‘No’ to these questions, but it doesn’t quite guarantee your position as the main woman. It just gives you a much better chance of seeing the flashing red lights before the train comes and you’re stuck on the tracks. When it comes man-cheating-med-newto keeping a rotation of faithful side chicks, guys will update their lies faster than the iPhone. As soon as you think you have one figured out there’s a brand new one, faster and better than the last. Besides, being a guy’s main chick isn’t any more an esteemed position than being the main one to use your toothbrush this morning. Step your self-respect up, you deserve it.

-Derrick Jaxn

He’s Just Not My “Type”

perfect guySo you’re not quite the Next Top Model, but you’re attractive enough so that you do have options. You’re sure of what you want and refuse to settle for less but guys are either turn offs or not who they say they are. Well the problem could be in the laundry list of qualifications you expect your man to meet. “I want a bad boy, a lot of money, and that ain’t afraid to put me in my place when I start talkin’ crazy.” That’s music to an “Ain’t Shit” dude’s ears. Most women choose men based on the most superficial things like these but as you mature, so should your standards. Being tired of running into all the wrong guys while passing up the good guys is like hating spicy foods and drinking hot sauce. You’re doing it to yourself. Mr. Right might statistically be the most average and unimpressive guy who can’t make the cut because he’s not 6’5 with abs and a 401k. When you define your type, it should include more than just personality and looks but also character. It doesn’t matter how “fine” and “funny” a guy is, if he can’t be FAITHFUL you’re only hurting yourself by entertaining him.65873_576660065694957_345076575_n

What you’re using to attract these guys is also directly related to who’s coming your way. You don’t see people throwing out catnip when they go fishing for a reason. Same thing goes for when you wear the painted on jeans or have your cleavage hitting you in the chin then tell guys it’s what’s on the inside that counts. We’re pretty easy to confuse and that will do just the trick. You want to catch and keep the good guys, then use good guy bait; Self-respect, patience, and class.

Now if you’re one of those looking for a guy by reasonable standards but they never turn out to be who they say they are, then I have a suggestion; When you’re getting to know him, stop asking those Myspace ass questions about his favorite colors and start asking things he’s not so used to lying about. Something like “What things did you go through that taught you the value of hard work?” or “Do you have a favorite author?” etc. Those are the kinds of questions that will show you where a man’s at intellectually and with his maturity. Besides, impressing you should take more than a visit to the barbershop and a few lyrics from Drake.  If he can’t take the lead on a mentally stimulating conversation, then he’s showing you one of his colors and it rhymes with red flag.

Don’t make it so easy on us. Observe whether or not what a man’s saying is consistent with his life. He can’t be telling you he’s a responsible guy yet living well beyond his means because he heard it in a rap song. We have an idea on what most women are looking for so you have to put forth the effort of removing yourself from that majority. We’ll either respect you more for it or remove ourselves from the situation because we know we’re not on your level. It may take some lonely nights and awkward Stevie-J-Joseline-Hernandez-pimpmoments when your friends are flashing their engagement rings, but don’t settle for less than you deserve. A woman who knows her worth is an “Ain’t Shit” guy’s worst nightmare.

Top 20 Most Successful Lies Guys Tell

Lying is like a man’s native language. We come straight out the womb speaking it IMG_20121208_015402fluently. Before we can even pronounce Mama or Dadda, we use our body language to tell our lies. While some of us grow out of it(partially), there are some who don’t care to venture from our roots. I call them the Ain’t-Shit population. They’re growing in number and even making little Ain’t-Shit babies to carry on their legacy. So before I someday bring a daughter into this world, I feel that it is my duty to dust off my cape for a moment. I asked thousands of women and came up with the top 20 lies(in no particular order) and put them into Ain’t-Shit translation for all to understand:

1.       I miss you.

Something just randomly reminded me of you but other than that I haven’t thought twice about you since last time we spoke

2.      I’m spontaneous so you just have to be down to ride.

If nothing else works out, I’d like to call you and you be available

3.       I’d rather chill than go out any day.

If I can get out of spending money by convincing you I’m a simple guy, I’ll do it.

4.       I’m not like the guys in your past so don’t compare me to them.

Please try to forget the BS they fed you, because I ain’t got new material and I wanna feed you some more. Eat up. 🙂

5.       Relationship titles just complicate things.

Relationships complicate the lies I’mma have to tell you when I wanna go find other 3rlbl9females. Too much thinking. That ain’t my style.

6.       I love women with natural hair and beauty.

You’re going to do it anyway so I might as well get a couple cool points and pretend I care.

7.       I’m probably bout to go ahead n go to sleep.

Time for me to make my nightly rounds so my other chicks don’t get mad I didn’t hit them up too. Equal opportunity.

8.       I didn’t see your text until just now.

I saw it, I just didn’t feel like replyin at the moment but I don’t want you holding it against me when I want you to come over this weekend

9.       Oh she’s just a friend, something like a sister.

I tried to get at her a while back and she told me no so I’m working wit you until she comes around

10.   I’m about to go chill with my homeboys.

We all about to go recruiting to add to our roster so you can get a few teammates.

11.   I’m on my way.

 I ain’t nowhere close but I’m tired of you asking me how close I am

12.   What we do is between us, I don’t have people in my business.

 I ain’t gone tell anybody except my homeboys who I trust, who have other people they trust, and so on. So trust me. 🙂

13.   I didn’t hear my phone ring, it was on silent.

My phone went on silent when I saw you calling.

14.   Yeah I’m listening.

I’m trying to multi task while you talk because I’m really not that interested in what you’re saying

15.   I’m just not an “on the phone” type of guy.

Texting makes it sooo much easier to talk to all my other chicks. Efficient pimpin is the key.

16.   I’m not going to judge you if we have sex sooner than later.

 I really won’t judge you, it won’t be long before I pretend I don’t even know you. So what you waiting for?

17.    I didn’t last long because it was too tight and it’s been a while for me.

Look, it’s a race to the finish line and I won. Ya snooze, ya lose.

18.   I’m on my way out the house now, whasup?

Just in case you were thinking about popping up unexpectedly, don’t.

19.   No that tweet/status wasn’t about you. You must be guilty.

That tweet was damn sure about you I just wanna be too cool to say something about it first

20.   I got serious feelings for you but I’m just not ready for a relationship.

I want you to feel like I’ve put in the work necessary to smash, but I don’t want you to try to lock me down.

keev<—And for the guy who’s making this face because I went against the G Code, maybe it’s time for an old dog to learn new tricks. Evolve or dissolve.

-Derrick Jaxn

Women Who Make The First Move Are….

….usually women who see what they want, and go after it. There’s this misconception being spread by a particular relationship expert(I won’t call names), that women who make the first move are thirsty and selling themselves short. She, like a lot of women, don’t understand why a man might not be so quick to approach you. Typically women will just claim that they’re “old fashioned” to justify sitting back and letting Imagemen come to them but slavery is old fashioned too; doesn’t make it right. Whatever you do, don’t turn into one of these, “A real man ain’t scared to make the first move” types because Eharmony will be knocking on your door by age 40 when all the good men are taken.

It’s not about being scared. It’s about whether or not the odds are in our favor. We assess the situation and get in where we fit in which sometimes means staying out. The same way a basketball player could pull up for the jumper, but if the entire opposing team is guarding him, he’ll more than likely opt out. Given that not every guy is Kobe in the 4th quarter, we don’t want to ruin our chances we might have to try another time. It doesn’t help if you have 20 of your girlfriends with you to multiply the hImageumiliation should you perform your best “boy bye” once the stage is yours.  You find it cute but while it boosts your ego it depletes ours. No other woman is going to want to entertain the guy who just got shot down. Imagine if you saw it happen and he came to you next…..right.

“I intimidate most men ” Whoa… Slow your role. Sure, it’s a comforting thought how you’re so sexy, that while the strong may survive, the meek shall not inherit your earth….but chill.  Some men really don’t care whether you say yes or no, they’ll approach you out of sheer apathy because the part of you they really want comes a dime a dozen. The guy who’s looking for that one in a million at least cares about the chance to get to know you.  Besides, it doesn’t take a ‘brave’ man to approImageach you the same way it doesn’t take a brave man to see somebody shooting at them and refuse to duck. Some dudes just have their ‘give-a-shit’ knob broken. That’s the same guy that sees you coming out the health clinic in tears but will stop you to say, “Ay yo ma, come holla at me”.

You may think it’s unladylike to make the first move if you have the wrong idea about what constitutes one. The first move can be as subtle as eye contact WITHOUT looking away when you see him looking at you, or opening up a conversation with a friendly “hi”. Unless all you want is sex, you shouldn’t make any overly aggressive moves like buying drinks or winking. If at some point he doesn’t take the lead in the moves being made, then he’s just not that into you. It’s not a detriment to your ambition so don’t think you have to try harder because your face will hurt even more when you fall flat on it.   It’s a lot of pressure on men to be mind readers and know the difference between a woman who’s attracted to us or just being “flirty”, but if you give us just a little hint, then we’ll fly with it. But giving us a I haven’t had my coffee today look when we step to you tends to clip our wings.

Also understand that by first move, I don’t mean 2nd, 3rd and 20th. Chasing anyone is an absolute hell-no. Last time I checked, you could only chase something that’s trying to get away. Either he wants you or he doesn’t. Even if you win his game of playing hard to get, at the end of the day he’ll throw it in your face that he never wanted you to begin with should you ever think about leveraging the fact that you deserve to be treated right. Instead, you want to keep the ball in your court so we still respect the fact that there’s many more where we came from. Put the odds in our favor, make a subtle first move, THEN let us come to you. I’m Lance Armstrong positive this will work like a charm. Image

Thank me later.

-Derrick Jaxn

Turning A Ho Into A HouseHusband

You know the saying,”You can’t turn a ho into a housewife” but is the same true for men? Most times people(primarily women) like to apply the same logic with females to males but it’s a completely different ball game. We don’t think the same, feel the same, or react

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the same 90 percent of the time. That remaining ten percent is usually with a homosexual man but as for the other 90, you can NOT change a ho into a house husband. You can, however, be the reason for that man’s change and still be the beneficiary of the new him.

What happens is, a man and woman will have a strong connection, great chemistry, and physically drawn to one another, but that man is still a slave to his single ways. While this is a red flag, wasting the potential of what could be special is a last resort so you try anyway. Then you start getting comfortable with the deep conversations and quality time, only to learn that you couldn’t change him after all. Now he’s a cheater and once a cheater, always a cheater right? WRONG! But a broken heart is hardly understanding, so you don’t want to hear it. He seemed liked the perfect guy for you, but now you see he’s just like all the other guys. Even though he starts doing everything to get you back, the trust has been severed and eventually you decided to just cut him off for good. This is the part where a lot of women go wrong. While your girlfriends are patting you on the back, you know deep down that something’s just not right about how you handled it. Your man cheated, so by no means does he DESERVE a second chance. However, if you feel like he’s worth it, there’s a right way to give him one. That way he doesn’t move on to another very happy relationship with a new woman; All because he was so heartbroken from making a choice that led to losing you, which was just what he needed to realize that cheating isn’t worth all the trouble it brings. Not only would you be stuck with a scarred heart, but also with the reality  you put in the work, and she showed up to cash your check. Then you’ll be wondering, “Was it me?“.

So the right way to give a second chance, is LATER. Don’t make the mistake of immediately taking him back once he brings flowers, checks in every night, and takes the lock off his phone to show you he’s serious. All that does is show him there’s a way out in case he “slips up” again. You need to leave him but not permanently. This way, cheating will be associated with losing you for good by giving him a small taste of what it’d be like. They say you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone, but sometimes a reminder is worth some consideration. You have to do more than just make it “Facebook official”. This means no sex, no dates, no NOTHING…outside of casual small talk. Keep in contact with him so that he doesn’t lose hope in having another shot which is necessary for the process of this change to happen. Otherwise, he’ll accept that it’s not going to happen and move on. A good thing about creating this space between you two is not only does it open his eyes to a grim reality he doesn’t want to last any longer than it has to, but it also helps you dust off your heart and pick up some pieces that were on the ground broken.

This is only for the man you really feel like is worth the second chance. NOT the guy who’s putting his phone face down and on silent when you chill together. NOT the guy you call and he texts you back. NOT the guy who “accidentally” untags your couple’s pics online. NOT the guy who brings you and his side chick to counseling so you all can have a much healthier love triangle…Image

The man who’s been there for you when you needed him and is willing to do anything to make things right. Men cheat and it should NOT be tolerated. But don’t let another woman get what God had for you just because the timing you chose was wrong. If you’re going to go through the pain and suffering of renovating the house then you damn well deserve to be the one living in it when it’s good and remodeled.

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-Derrick Jaxn