Daddy’s Little Girl

 

 

I recently gave my Facebook fans a chance to choose my next topic to write about with the hashtag #DearJaxn, and one of them posted: Image

Great question. There’s this story about a guy named Marc who went to the barbershop and had the same question. Where I’m from, barbers are like psychologists. Their advice is real, uncut, and straight to the point.

Marc’s a first time father who hadn’t been in his 5 year old daughter’s life. The conversation went like this:

ImageBarber: What’s stopping you?

Marc: Nothing. I mean, nothing besides her moms.

Barber: She won’t let you see her?

Marc: Nah she do. But I can’t be around that woman for 2 minutes without fussing and getting stressed out. I just be tryna get away from her, but that means getting away from Amiyah(his daughter) too. But don’t get it twisted, I take care of her. I just can’t deal with her moms and for real for real, it ain’t like I can raise no girl to be a woman no way. That’s a woman’s job.

Barber: You can’t be serious. A daughter definitely needs her father.

Marc: Nah I carry my weight and I ain’t even on child support. Ain’t a week that go by that I don’t send money for clothes, food, whatever she need.

Barber: No, I’m not just talking about money. You’re the first impression of a man she’ll ever have. You keep on thinking that giving her money should compensate for the conversations you’re not having with her, and she’ll grow up to let those same dollars compensate for the respect she’s not getting.

Marc: But it ain’t even like that. I gotta grind to make sure she got the stuff she need. If I miss a birthday party, that’s better than her missing a meal.

Barber: But those few hours you sacrifice to watch her blow out her birthday candles will mean the world to her. You can’t keep saying how much you want to be there for her, while your actions say otherwise. You don’t think she’ll grow up to meet another dude who’ll give her the same lip service to get in her underwear but go missing as soon as her period does?

Marc: Ay that’s my baby girl you talking about.

Barber: Which is exactly why you need to hear this. You’re only increasing her tolerance for the bullshit that’ll come her way from another man who claims to love her. It’s on us to define what a real man is so that they won’t get it confused with these lame dudes who calling em “bad bitches”. You’re more than just a provider and a protector, you’re a parent.

Marc: I ain’t perfect, but I do love her.

Barber: Her abusive boyfriend she’ll have one day won’t be perfect either. You really wanna teach her to accept that as an excuse?

Marc: No! I couldn’t live with myself if I ever let that happen. I just…I don’t know man. I feel like, ain’t but so much I can do other than make sure she eat. That’s what I thought the role of a dad is ‘sposed to be.

The barber stopped his clippers and turned Marc around to look him in the face

ImageBarber: Put it like this. She turns on the radio and rappers are telling her to “drop that ass”. She opens a magazine and designers are telling her beauty comes in one size. She turns on the TV and sees women who let plastic surgeons scribble over the masterpiece God painted. You know what they have in common? They all point to her body as the source of her value. It’s your role as her father to make sure she redirects the world to what’s behind her eyes. Not with your promises you make, but with the ones you keep. 

I agree with the barber, but what about you?

– DerrickJaxn

18 thoughts on “Daddy’s Little Girl

  1. I really love this! It is so true. I was raised by a single mom and my pops was no where to be found because he couldn’t stand to be around my mother and her side of the family. He never showed up to any of my birthday parties, beauty pageants, and didn’t even bother to come to my high school graduation. This matters a lot in child’s life, male or female. Money will not continue to make them happy in the future. When the child is older, the only thing that matters to them is love and support. If the parent is not there to give it to them, they will find it elsewhere! I am now 20 years old and have little to no respect for my father after trying to have a father-daughter relationship. It’s sad that when I do start a family my children won’t have a grandfather, but I refuse to raise my children without a father like I was.

  2. I agree even though its to late for me. Also as a mother, just because you are not with the father doesn’t give you the right to nag him or argue with him. As long as he is there helping you raise your kids then that should be all that matters. Its harder playing the mother and father role especially if you have more then one child.

  3. 1000% TRUE! Barber was/is on POINT!! Powerful words!! My daddy was MY hero, period! I thank god every day I got have such an amazing man as my dad for 34 years… and even today, while he is in heaven! a little girl, young lady, woman NEEDS her daddy!!!

  4. Straight up! Its the truth, my father raised me good and to date I dont tolerate nonsense from no one plus everyone should take heat of that advice inc mothers & sons, because these relationships are so very special!

  5. That made me cry. It’s too bad men don’t realize the role they play in their daughter’s lives. The first man a girl ever falls in love with is her daddy. If he’s absuive, absent, or treats her negatively in any way..this is what she’ll accept from me. And vice versa. The difference between a woman with confidence and self-respect and one without can almost always be fingered by looking at the relationship she has with her daddy.

  6. I absolutely agree with that Barber. He is a very wise man. As in my life my first husband was exactly like my father, which wasn’t a good thing. The second time, I used a better role model for picking a spouse, my (step)father. I looked for a man who would treat me the way he treats my mother. Now I have the man of my dreams.

  7. Wow …. I loved this post !! I grew up without a father, and it has been obvious in many of the situations in my life!! So I definitely agree with the Barber , 10000000%!!!!!!

  8. A fathers presence in his daughters life is a life altering matter considering the affects it can have on her throughout herlife! I feel it is planted in her subconcious like intertwined in her dna makeup! It’s something formed almost comparable ti that of a learned behavior! That fathers presence creates the foundation for a young girls mindset and ideals of how and what a man us suppose to be/how he’s suppose to treat her! If she is w/o such structure in a figure then the likelyhood of her encounters/relationships will mirror/resemble that! #my thoughts

  9. I truly agree with this post wholeheartedly because I personally know what it’s like to be that little girl. Watching my pastor/father spend time with other girls at the church and giving them affirming words but shouts at my sisters and I, forcing religion but not promoting the relationship with Christ that we needed to have, buying us things and always working but not spending much time…It’s like a festering sore that has been covered by a bandage–no one can see it but it’s there. Thank God, He has brought restoration to us on Father’s Day of last year, forgiveness has taken place and the bitterness and hatred has been rooted out and replaced by unconditional love. The earliest parts of my adult years were HELL because I didn’t know my worth and wasn’t able to receive it when someone came along who did want to respect and honor me as the queen God created me to be.

    I’m now 28 and I’m finally knowing what receiving a father’s love is like…us women when we’re girls aren’t concerned about the presents we receive but the presence of our daddies. Mothers teach us how to be ladies but fathers…it is from our fathers we receive our identity (even biologically we get our blood from daddy-o), validation, and learn who we are. Fathers reading this, please know that your daughters need you desperately and no one can be to her what you can. We understand that sometimes you DON’T know what it means to be a father but there are men out there who can help you find the way. God bless you all and thanks for sharing this Derrick!

  10. The most important man that will ever be in your daughter’s life is her father. It is our duty to guide her protect her and advise her on how she handles this crazy world and the people in it. Derrick Sanders Melbourne, Australia

  11. Father’s please wake up and be there for your children. My children grew up with their father living in the same town but never had the time for them and it has scared them forever.

  12. I agree. Dads have a major role to play in their daughters and sons lives. A pity a lot don’t realise the damage they cause by not being there.

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