Written by: @DerrickJaxnAll through life I’ve been given everything I’ve ever needed, yet my desires conflicted or far exceeded causing me frustration every day and me to take for granted those blessings unjustly sent my way. I don’t know the difference between me and who I aspire to be; not for social acceptance, but for an impact on lives I hope will validate mine; emptiness fills my home, the outcasts of the world are no longer alone, I know in my mind what is right but I feel in my heart what is wrong. I was told time would change one to match the other but it’s already taken too long and the less my patience, the less my endurance, the less my assurance that “everything will be ok.” Constantly deferred to religion only to deepen my depression with unattainable goals of inhumane perfection and holiness. I am not overwhelmed by life but by the irresistible temptation of death. Death to the turmoil, death to heartache, death to pretending, and death to broken trusts have turned life into a burden and death into lust. It’s a disturbing reality that only death can solve but while the days drag on death doesn’t revolve… And when I’m too much of a coward to face the solution, I escape with drugs, my slow execution. My seal of forfeit of the effort to keep on keepin’ on. My white flag of defeat and submission to every force that ever worked against me. My merciful plea to the judge who sentenced me to the imprisonment of expectations and the inability to meet. The cocaine unlocked my shackles and repeated twists of the key kept them off. It was my sweet escape, my blissful journey to eternal freedom. I could finally be with the other refugees from sanity to the eternal kingdom of emotional rest. The final solution. My relieving, comforting, peaceful death.
What makes you more afraid; Me or the fact that at some point, you could actually relate?