Poetic Injustice

Written by: @DerrickJaxnImageAll through life I’ve been given everything I’ve ever needed, yet my desires conflicted or far exceeded causing me frustration every day and me to take for granted those blessings unjustly sent my way. I don’t know the difference between me and who I aspire to be; not for social acceptance, but for an impact on lives I hope will validate mine; emptiness fills my home, the outcasts of the world are no longer alone, I know in my mind what is right but I feel in my heart what is wrong. I was told time would change one to match the other but it’s already taken too long and the less my patience, the less my endurance, the less my assurance that “everything will be ok.”  Constantly deferred to religion only to deepen my depression with unattainable goals of inhumane perfection and holiness. I am not overwhelmed by life but by the irresistible temptation of death. Death to the turmoil, death to heartache, death to pretending, and death to broken trusts have turned life into a burden and death into lust. It’s a disturbing reality that only death can solve but while the days drag on death doesn’t revolve… And when I’m too much of a coward to face the solution, I escape with drugs, my slow execution. My seal of forfeit of the effort to keep on keepin’ on. My white flag of defeat and submission to every force that ever worked against me. My merciful plea to the judge who sentenced me to the imprisonment of expectations and the inability to meet. The cocaine unlocked my shackles and repeated twists of the key kept them off. It was my sweet escape, my blissful journey to eternal freedom. I could finally be with the other refugees from sanity to the eternal kingdom of emotional rest. The final solution. My relieving, comforting, peaceful death.

What makes you more afraid; Me or the fact that at some point, you could actually relate?

-Derrick Jaxn

12 thoughts on “Poetic Injustice

  1. A cry for help? Death looks good when your so low… but it’s never the answer. Hard to read. Hate to feel the ‘low’. Hope it’s just a writing.. I can help.

  2. Wow. This piece made me want to give you the biggest hug and just hold you until u felt better, until u felt invincible. Some say that isn’t possible, but most have experienced that hug you get from your mom, grandma, or that special person in their life that just makes so many worries and pain disappear. This poem touched my heart deeply, and I would like to do the same in return. (If u understand where I’m coming from, not on some stalker, crazy woman type stuff. So don’t go reporting me or anything. lol) And you asked which made me more afraid? My answer is you. I have been @ that point a few times before, but my strong faith and love for Jehovah God has helped me to not linger there for long anymore. U say that u turned to religion and it didn’t help much. I don’t even want to get on that subject. But it has saved me. I’m afraid for you because depression, stress, life’s issues can take such a toll on us. You are young, have so much going for you, such a beautiful man (from what I can see) that I would hate for anything to happen to you. It makes me think of Freddy E. (guy from YouTube) Not saying that you are to that point (committing suicide) but no one thought he was @ that point either. U just never know. To see or hear of someone going thru that much pain, and they feel no one cares, or is listening, or can help just hurts my heart. I cried so hard when he took his life and didn’t know him. Never met him a day in my life. Keep your head up Boo. Wish I could help, but I’m a total stranger and even if I could I doubt u would want it. Lol Another thing that I appreciate is that it seems that you “let your hair down” as they say when u wrote this one. It is raw and I just love it. It is nice that you have the talent and the outlet to express yourself. I know that has to help @ times. Thank u for sharing.

    • Thank you Lanequa. I pull from emotions to make sure others out there know they’re not the only ones who feel that way. You mentioned Freddy E which is ironic because I thought of him when I wrote this. The craziest thing about someone suicidal isn’t them, it’s the fact that you can relate to why they are that way. At least for me it was. But again, I’m fine, I’m not going through anything. My work isn’t always directly reflective of my current situations, just emotions I’ve felt at some time or another I decided to craft for someone else’s benefit. Thanks for reading.

  3. Good evening, Derrick , I can relate 2 everything u r saying . I just want 2 say thank u so much your words wisdom . I really admire u. Such a intelligent, bright young man . I have younger brother who I am going 2 bail out of jail on this Friday coming . I will let him read what u had wrote . I am saving this just for him to read. 2 give him something 2 think about. Again thank u so much, I wish u much success in the near future. Sincerely Rhonda

  4. This is so deep and powerful, its really comforting to know I can read an article like this that i can relate to so well. I’m not an author or poet but I do write poems when I’m in the mood and this article sum up all the flooded emotions I try to express and hide in my poetry. Thanks you so much for this

  5. Cant fully relate;ave been down but not that low.Deeply moving,and an insight to empathise with those we usually label ‘loser’and,or scum of the earth.Keep writing Derrick

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