How To KNOW If She’s The One

As we all know, females can be ruthless when it comes to relationships, but there’s this rare species known as “wife material” that’s out there. Guys usually don’t run into these girls until we’re damaged goods and a product of the screwed up society that told us it was in our nature to be a dumbass. Yeah, many of us outgrow this phase, but more times than not, timing isn’t on our side. For the ones who’re approaching this transition and think they’ve found the one, here are a few things to help you remove all doubt. She’s the one if…

She wasn’t impressed with your corny ass pick up line but gave you a chance anyway because she saw something in you.Image

She was your best friend when your “homeboys” left you hanging.

She could listen to you go on and on about your dreams and hung on every word because she believed in you.

She saw the attention you gave those other girls but still ignored the attention from other guys.

She caught attitudes with you but only because she wanted you to care more and not be afraid to show it.

She changed her hair and couldn’t wait for you to notice but only without her having to point it out.

When you had nothing, she was willing to give up everything to have nothing with you. She wasn’t perfect, but her effort to be there for you was.

She sees her favorite ring in a store and gets excited hoping that you notice without feeling like she’s pressuring you into anything.

She’s the girl that told you the truth when you needed to hear it most and still didn’t judge you.

When you kept coming in late, she was too scared to ask where you were because she might get the truth.

She’s the girl that was so proud to be by your side but you never would hold her hand in public.

She loved you when it was the wrong thing to do. Not because she was stupid, but because she couldn’t shake the feeling that everything you went through together had to mean something to you.

She’s the girl you made cry over and over again until she was out of tears and couldn’t take it anymore.

If that’s her, then she’s the one and you really don’t deserve her.
But if you didn’t do any and everything in your power to get her back and keep her there, then you made the biggest mistake of your life.
-Derrick Jaxn

40 thoughts on “How To KNOW If She’s The One

  1. You have nooo clue, Derrick, how much I appreciate and love your lines (when I come to read them). I always longed for seeing us women through the eyes of a man but average guys just don’t reflect enough to be a useful source of answers to my questions. Now you seem to be one.

    Thank you!

  2. Astonishing… Been there… 20+ years, 2 amazing young men that I raise with the help of my parents. I loved unconditionally, forgave, encouraged, supported, provided, nurtured, and received majority of let down after let down. It has been 2 years and I have not been in another relationship or even dated but I am truly happy again. It’s funny how you get caught up in wanting the happiness for your partner how you forget about yourself. Well now it has come to pass that he realizes what he had and wants it back, unfortunately that is not an option. I will always love him but I am not ‘in love’ with him any longer…

    • Nicole I’m glad you made it out of your situation. Clearly you’re a soldier. If he’s still the same man you left before, there’s really no point. The happiness you’ve found is happiness you won’t have to depend on anyone else for and that makes you independent of anyone else who wants to give you that as well. Please continue reading in the future πŸ™‚

  3. This is like reading my diary!! I was “her” to someone once…I still don’t think he has a clue even now… But oh well, such is life!! Thank you for sharing your insight!! πŸ™‚

  4. I totally agree on this but i just wish he would understand my pain and where im coming from i’ll give him my last but it’s like he don’t feel the same or i don’t know because i always give and never receive but its not like i look forward to it. So i just feel better just by him telling me he love me… Antwaun & Mo’Nique 4ever And Our Little Princess Amyrie…….

    • you know yourself, monique, if you give and give and never get anything in exchange, is how you said it: he’s ain’t feeling the same. don’t waste your precious energy and time on a guy who cannot appreciate what you offer him. there are others out there licking their ten fingers for you, girl! (i’m talking out of experience, been there where you are now. let go and move on. you won’t regret πŸ™‚ )

    • Congrats Ephesia. i know this is a trying time no matter how much of the right thing it is to do, but the only way you can climb any hill is to first take a step and you’ve done that. Just rember to cling to what you know you deserve so you don’t end up settling.

  5. I was that woman also… To the wrong man, of course! Now I am slightly terrified to be her again, unsure if my heart will receive the same response that it did the first time… But I am a strong woman, and I will find the courage to love like that once more… One day…

    I’m a young heart, with an old soul and I don’t have time for yet another broken heart….

  6. This somewhat summarized my 21 1/2 year relationship to a “T”, but glad I was able to live my life for me. It’s been 5 years since my divorce, and now I am finally starying to date, but for some reason, some men are still not able to recognize a woman worth keeping until it’s too late. Could it be that they are just not able to make a commitment?? I wonder.

  7. This was me! Four years together 3yrs married! They never see your worth until the next man notices it and takes it away. What you won’t do, another man will.

  8. It seem to me after reading this, I’m the one for him, but he’s definitely not the one for me. Too many lies and games. Thank you for all your posts.

  9. EVERY THING U SAY IS WHAT IM GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW I REALY FEELING TO GIVE UP. BUT I ALSO HAVE A SON HE JUST A BABY. I DONT THINK THERES ANYONE FOR ME AT ALL. I’M TOO SCARED TO GO THROUGHT IT AGAIN

  10. This article is amazing and true on so many levels. Your insight on relationships is quite refreshing πŸ™‚ I’ve been/done all of the above for someone at one point or another and still have nothing to show for it. Now I’m “damaged goods” because I have lost all faith in males when it comes to honesty and support in a relationship. I don’t think their capable so I’ve given up. It’s a very lonely feeling to never be able to trust anyone!

  11. I read your article Derrick and most of it described me minus three things 1) hoping he notices my new hair style 2) and if he was late which was once in life that I could recall I did say something and last I was with him when he had much of nothing but I wasn’t crazy enough to give up everything I had thank God because in the end he did me pretty dirty…now with that said am I still categorized as “Wife Material” or something else. Just had to make my comment because I’m honest with myself and I’m not knocking all the other womens’ comments but now you have a new P.O.V. Derrick talk to me! πŸ™‚

  12. Derrick Jaxn, like all of the ladies above, I was once her. I will not change my ways as a Woman, but I’ll definitely be more selective of who gets my all. As Black Women, we are taught to give our all to prove to him that we are his one, yet, Black Men are taught to not give anything until she can prove it and he is sure. We are taught to make Men a priority, while settling for ‘at least I’m an option’ status.

  13. I have been that girl to so many and it has always backfired. But it was a great lessons learned. I would not be the woman I am today without those heart breaks. Love the articles Mr. Jaxn.

  14. I can’t believe that was me!! It still hurt till this day that I went through all of that & I still love him. SMH!!! So many told me not to stay with him but my heart told me to stay. That he needed me to be there while he was going through so much. Then when I needed him the most he wasn’t there. SMH I still can’t believe it!!! The things you do for someone & how much you put in a relationship to only end up…

  15. This is so true. This is me right now. Well it was me for about 5 or so years and up until recently when i decided enough already. He doesn’t get it yet. I really appreciate this. Thanks, it is a must read.

  16. I love your blog! Its very inspiring and uplifting to hear a true male perspective with such positivity.

  17. I think I just read my life story…that was me 3 yrs ago. I finally couldn’t take it any more and decided to leave. We were together for 10yrs and never asked me to marry him. I felt I deserve more and couldn’t take it any longer. We did try to work it out after I left but it didn’t work because I wasn’t “in love” with him any longer. So now I’m by myself taking care of me.

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