Lying is like a man’s native language. We come straight out the womb speaking it fluently. Before we can even pronounce Mama or Dadda, we use our body language to tell our lies. While some of us grow out of it(partially), there are some who don’t care to venture from our roots. I call them the Ain’t-Shit population. They’re growing in number and even making little Ain’t-Shit babies to carry on their legacy. So before I someday bring a daughter into this world, I feel that it is my duty to dust off my cape for a moment. I asked thousands of women and came up with the top 20 lies(in no particular order) and put them into Ain’t-Shit translation for all to understand:
1. I miss you.
Something just randomly reminded me of you but other than that I haven’t thought twice about you since last time we spoke
2. I’m spontaneous so you just have to be down to ride.
If nothing else works out, I’d like to call you and you be available
3. I’d rather chill than go out any day.
If I can get out of spending money by convincing you I’m a simple guy, I’ll do it.
4. I’m not like the guys in your past so don’t compare me to them.
Please try to forget the BS they fed you, because I ain’t got new material and I wanna feed you some more. Eat up. 🙂
5. Relationship titles just complicate things.
6. I love women with natural hair and beauty.
You’re going to do it anyway so I might as well get a couple cool points and pretend I care.
7. I’m probably bout to go ahead n go to sleep.
Time for me to make my nightly rounds so my other chicks don’t get mad I didn’t hit them up too. Equal opportunity.
8. I didn’t see your text until just now.
I saw it, I just didn’t feel like replyin at the moment but I don’t want you holding it against me when I want you to come over this weekend
9. Oh she’s just a friend, something like a sister.
I tried to get at her a while back and she told me no so I’m working wit you until she comes around
10. I’m about to go chill with my homeboys.
We all about to go recruiting to add to our roster so you can get a few teammates.
11. I’m on my way.
I ain’t nowhere close but I’m tired of you asking me how close I am
12. What we do is between us, I don’t have people in my business.
I ain’t gone tell anybody except my homeboys who I trust, who have other people they trust, and so on. So trust me. 🙂
13. I didn’t hear my phone ring, it was on silent.
My phone went on silent when I saw you calling.
14. Yeah I’m listening.
I’m trying to multi task while you talk because I’m really not that interested in what you’re saying
15. I’m just not an “on the phone” type of guy.
Texting makes it sooo much easier to talk to all my other chicks. Efficient pimpin is the key.
16. I’m not going to judge you if we have sex sooner than later.
I really won’t judge you, it won’t be long before I pretend I don’t even know you. So what you waiting for?
17. I didn’t last long because it was too tight and it’s been a while for me.
Look, it’s a race to the finish line and I won. Ya snooze, ya lose.
18. I’m on my way out the house now, whasup?
Just in case you were thinking about popping up unexpectedly, don’t.
19. No that tweet/status wasn’t about you. You must be guilty.
That tweet was damn sure about you I just wanna be too cool to say something about it first
20. I got serious feelings for you but I’m just not ready for a relationship.
I want you to feel like I’ve put in the work necessary to smash, but I don’t want you to try to lock me down.