Turning A Ho Into A HouseHusband

You know the saying,”You can’t turn a ho into a housewife” but is the same true for men? Most times people(primarily women) like to apply the same logic with females to males but it’s a completely different ball game. We don’t think the same, feel the same, or react

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the same 90 percent of the time. That remaining ten percent is usually with a homosexual man but as for the other 90, you can NOT change a ho into a house husband. You can, however, be the reason for that man’s change and still be the beneficiary of the new him.

What happens is, a man and woman will have a strong connection, great chemistry, and physically drawn to one another, but that man is still a slave to his single ways. While this is a red flag, wasting the potential of what could be special is a last resort so you try anyway. Then you start getting comfortable with the deep conversations and quality time, only to learn that you couldn’t change him after all. Now he’s a cheater and once a cheater, always a cheater right? WRONG! But a broken heart is hardly understanding, so you don’t want to hear it. He seemed liked the perfect guy for you, but now you see he’s just like all the other guys. Even though he starts doing everything to get you back, the trust has been severed and eventually you decided to just cut him off for good. This is the part where a lot of women go wrong. While your girlfriends are patting you on the back, you know deep down that something’s just not right about how you handled it. Your man cheated, so by no means does he DESERVE a second chance. However, if you feel like he’s worth it, there’s a right way to give him one. That way he doesn’t move on to another very happy relationship with a new woman; All because he was so heartbroken from making a choice that led to losing you, which was just what he needed to realize that cheating isn’t worth all the trouble it brings. Not only would you be stuck with a scarred heart, but also with the reality  you put in the work, and she showed up to cash your check. Then you’ll be wondering, “Was it me?“.

So the right way to give a second chance, is LATER. Don’t make the mistake of immediately taking him back once he brings flowers, checks in every night, and takes the lock off his phone to show you he’s serious. All that does is show him there’s a way out in case he “slips up” again. You need to leave him but not permanently. This way, cheating will be associated with losing you for good by giving him a small taste of what it’d be like. They say you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone, but sometimes a reminder is worth some consideration. You have to do more than just make it “Facebook official”. This means no sex, no dates, no NOTHING…outside of casual small talk. Keep in contact with him so that he doesn’t lose hope in having another shot which is necessary for the process of this change to happen. Otherwise, he’ll accept that it’s not going to happen and move on. A good thing about creating this space between you two is not only does it open his eyes to a grim reality he doesn’t want to last any longer than it has to, but it also helps you dust off your heart and pick up some pieces that were on the ground broken.

This is only for the man you really feel like is worth the second chance. NOT the guy who’s putting his phone face down and on silent when you chill together. NOT the guy you call and he texts you back. NOT the guy who “accidentally” untags your couple’s pics online. NOT the guy who brings you and his side chick to counseling so you all can have a much healthier love triangle…Image

The man who’s been there for you when you needed him and is willing to do anything to make things right. Men cheat and it should NOT be tolerated. But don’t let another woman get what God had for you just because the timing you chose was wrong. If you’re going to go through the pain and suffering of renovating the house then you damn well deserve to be the one living in it when it’s good and remodeled.

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-Derrick Jaxn

22 thoughts on “Turning A Ho Into A HouseHusband

  1. I totally understand where you are coming from. However, that given him space to transparent himself before giving him another chance is not always the case. Some men are pretenders and they will pray on your weakness. Your love for him. Therefore he will do any and everything portraying to be genuine into becoming that man he knows you desire. Once he see that you have him a second chance he thans falls back into his old ways. Or he becomes very insecure and possessive. And sometimes physically,emotionally and mentally abusive because he’s afraid of loosing you. Afraid that you may give him a taste of his own medicine if he submit himself into completely. Because he has not forgiven nor trust himself so he feels that he can not trust you. Although you have given him no indication that you will hurt him but only to love him more. I personally feel space yes is needed but going unto God and asking for forgiveness allowing him to guide your heart and spirit into where he see fit. Is the best route to go. Weither you two end back up together or not. Maybe just becoming friends. We are all human and yes we make mistakes but you have to be willing to want change. Only if you truly desire greatness and love.

    • La Tasha. Thanks for reading. I put emphasis on the fact this is only for the man who deserves that second chance. That time of space is a time of evaluation. If he’s truly growing and maturing as a man, and he truly loves you he’ll be everything but the person you’ve described. This is only for the man who genuinely wants a chance to make things right. That part is up to your judgement. Again, loved your feedback, and please continue reading 🙂
      -Jaxn

  2. Sometimes they need to miss u alittle so they can appreciate you and all that u bring to the table besides sex. Question~ what about the Guy that’s dating a lady but finds every excuse not to go on dates with u, unless he is ready. And the lady finds out he’s been cheating and she takes a break from him (like u say still have little contact but no sex and then the lady finds out he has a new lady and is doing everything with her that the first lady had been wanting him to do with her.

    • Hi Jen. The guy you’re describing is more like the guy I told you NOT to give a second chance to. In this situation, you’re the “other woman” and you shouldn’t be evaluating him for even a first try, much less a second. You’re more than just side chick material. Free yourself for another man who has sense enough to recognize that. Thanks for your feedback 🙂
      -Jaxn

      • You are absolutely right Derrick. Better judgment does come into play when a women decides to give that man a second chance after proving he deserves it. Knowing that I’m taking a risky chance of being hurt again I would keep my eyes and ears open. Cause the bible stimpulate never put your full trust in men. But I am willing to forgive and give me trust and love again if only he has proven that he has change.

    • What do you mean by success? But yes, from personal experience and a small sample size of the people I’ve encountered. Like yourself, I’m only an expert of my own perspective. I throw my 2 cents out there and let it hit the ground, and if people pick it up, it’s because they feel like it’s worth spending.

  3. I love this post. It also takes a special woman to be this type of forgiving woman. I know the post doesn’t apply to me because although I may forgive, I don’t forget, and he may never lie or cheat again, but in my eyes he will always be a liar and a cheater. I would love to be this type of woman, as I would have been married twice now, but I have learned through experience what I can and cannot move pass. Before any woman becomes a second chance woman, I believe it is essential that she evaluates her ability to give a second chance yet love and trust like it’s the very first time.

    • Jah, It doesn’t get any realer than that. Not everyone’s up to the challenge of trusting again and that just means you’re human. I respect it, and who ever lost your trust has no choice but to do the same.

      • I’m about to be really random, but I want to be the woman he happily meets after another woman has fixed him. All the benefits – none of the damage. At least one of my two I fixed and I’d be happy seeing him treat someone else right.

      • Everyone wants to be that woman. But everyone also wants to be there when the empire is built, not when the bricks still need to be laid.When the crops are ready to be harvested, not when the seeds need sowing. You ever heard people say “We been through so much together” in an endearing way? Like the growing pains are what made them so strong together. There’s some people worth sticking with at their worst to be able to appreciate them at their best.

  4. So I’m reading your post and I’m like uh huh! okay…I see…what?! Hell Naw! =) I’ve been cheated on before and it’s just a horrible feeling. To know that no matter how great you are…even if you’re kinky in the sheets doesn’t prevent that man from cheating on you. But your post definitely introduced a new perspective that I’ve never tried or even considered before. You cheat, you’re gone. I’m single now, clearly understanding what I desire in my life so foolish games isn’t really an option but I can’t perdict the future or the actions of the next guy that comes along. I’m just having faith that the next guy that I’m involved with will be ready for the type of commitment I’m willing to take. But you definitely took me out the box. I think women know who are the right guys to give that second chance to but most women think that if I do this or that he will change to that man they desire instead they end up with a Stevie.

  5. After reading your article, all I can say is “Wow”!!! You are a very insightful man, and unfortunately this world lacks men of your caliber. You have a true gift, and don’t let anyone/thing take that away. I actually surprised myself that I read your article, as I don’t read… At all :)! Having said that, I have a question for you. When you stated, “But don’t let another woman get what God had for you just because the timing you chose was wrong.” what did you mean? I’m asking because I was always told if a person is truly your soul mate, they would not bring hurt into your life. I’m fully aware that no situation is perfect, and I do believe in giving people second chances, but I was a little perplexed by that one sentence.

    • Hi Kristen. What I meant by that sentence is, what is meant for you still has a specific timing in your life. The same way you may bake a cake, and the ingredients may all be just right, perfectly measured. But if you take the cake out too soon you won’t be able to enjoy it as you were meant to at the right time. Hope that analogy helps. Please continue reading 🙂

      • Hmm.. I haven’t heard anyone put it in that perspective before.. Thank you for the clarification. You are a rare commodity, with very encouraging words. I wish you nothng but the best in life.. And love. Enjoy your weekend, and thanks again!

  6. I agree with what u r saying..i do believe in second chances,but some men change for a while and then go back to being the way they were..

  7. So true. It does have many dimensions, a fractured relationship from a cheating mate. You have to analyze the cause, the loss, the potential, and the reality of it all. Bottom line is, does this man want to first and foremost change for himself so that he can be a better man for himself and me or is he just dressing up for the role to get the part??? Hmmm.

  8. Interesting take on turning a ho into househusband. I like the article but hmmmm… Men cheat, wrong timing, and he’s what God has for me. Idk about that…

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