So, your last relationship didn’t work out. It happens. But during the relationship, your body got used to attention that it’s having a hard time doing without. Only thing is, you’ve always been protective with your box and you have more respect for yourself than to give it up to just anybody. Still, not getting that sexual gratification drives you crazy. Why? Our bodies weren’t designed to start having sex and stop before our biological clock said so. Christians would argue this is even more the reason to wait ’til marriage but in the name of fairness, let’s just say you’re not as perfect as the average Christian. So you’re simply not ready to get back into a relationship, not up for the challenge of celibacy, and your mama taught you better than to sleep around. What else is there?
Friends with benefits.
Most people only know the wrong way to do this and for that reason have been turned off from the idea. But there’s 3 reasons why a Friends With Benefits-ship deserves consideration:
1. Keeps your dignity intact.
2. Not having overlapping partners significantly decreases your chances for STDs
3. Keeps you from making an appearance on Maury about who you are 1000% sure is your “baby daddy”
Do understand that this shouldn’t be preferred over a healthy relationship, but sometimes it can help ease the grace period between attempts at love. On the contrary, it can get sticky when feelings get involved, and when it’s not revolved around complete honesty and openness. A Friends With Benefits-ship is only for the person who is planning on being single for a while, has a high sex drive, but still has too much self respect to have several partners at one time. So what’s the “right” way to do this and enjoy the full benefits with little to no drawbacks?
First, get to know your potential friend with benefits. It’s not ok to be complete strangers with someone you’ll be sharing something so valuable with. Talk about where you’re at in your life and make sure it’s on the same page as his. This is critical because if he’s in a relationship then it puts you in a compromising position. You really don’t need the side chick drama and there’s more fish in the sea, single fish. So after it’s established that both of you are two people that are ok with being single for the moment then your next step is to….
Write him off as potential relationship material. If he seems to be the right guy but it’s still the wrong time for you, then going any further is going to send you on an emotional roller coaster and wouldn’t be fair to him. Put yellow tape around your heart and let him know he is in no way welcome to enter. Toss him a roll so he can do the same because you don’t want to lead him on either. Now if this hasn’t run him off and you still have his attention it’s time to move on to your final step….
Establish a thorough understanding of what you want with a high priority on honesty. Given that you’ve already gotten to know him, you trust him to his word. If he can agree to be completely open and honest with you about what he’s doing outside you guys’ friends with benefits-ship, you can make sure that physically, you two are monogamous. It defeats the purpose if either of you are still sexually active with multiple partners. But to avoid relationship parameters and ultimately expectations, agree to being open about what happens in each other’s outside sex life so should either of you feel the need to sexually engage with another, you can peacefully end your own rendezvous and walk away.
Now at this point, you’ve got a guy here you’re attracted to but have no emotional connection with that’s proven himself worthy of a hormonal outlet for you. Now all you have to do is go get tested together and you’re ready to do your thing. I know this sounds like a bit much but if you take your health and your self-respect seriously, it’s a small price to pay for pretty high reward. Now you’re able to not only be single with a bit more peace of mind(and body) but you can entertain real potential relationship partners without having to rush things because of sex. It’s much easier to discern a man who’s worthy of your heart when your hormones aren’t constantly nagging for attention. However, this is one of those good things that aren’t meant to last forever and you have to remain realistic about that. If at any point you start including quality time, good morning texts, dates, etc…you’re going to get more than you bargained for and I don’t mean that in a good way. This isn’t meant to be fulfilling but it’s a reasonable alternative to the lonely, empty, frustrating feeling of not having someone to satisfy your physical cravings. Cravings that would normally either send us back to our ex we’re better off without or becoming a revolving door for one-night standers.