Recently, a post on http://www.stephanspeaks.com, a well-respected relationship expert’s blog, caught my attention. What I got from it to roughly summarize is, “Guys want all the relationship perks without having to cut ourselves off from other women.” Most of the women I’ve spoken with seem to have similar sentiments but thinking this way is misguided in many situations and will lose you what could be very special.
Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free right? Well, if he’s only in it for the milk, you’re already dealt a losing hand. That’s not a man you want to settle down with. The benefits of a relationship shouldn’t be his motivation to be with you. His love for you should satisfy his emotional appetite for a woman, and physically sacrificing the pleasures of the outside world would be a small price to pay, one he’d be happy to. Again, this is speaking to the “good man” that loves you and not just what you do for him. This is the man who’s already matured to a point of being able to settle down with just one woman. So if a good man has a good woman, there’s only one reason why he’s not settling down with you.
Don’t always try to press the issue to fancy the perfect plan you had for your love life. Amongst all the boys who come up with excuse after excuse for wanting their cake and eating it too, there are some very legitimate reasons for a man not wanting to settle down. For instance, good men are typically ambitious, great work ethic, and passionate about their goals. If he has a level of success he has to reach first before he can settle down in a relationship, then there’s nothing you should do to stop that. Men are much more than just sexually driven beings and relationships take more than exclusivity to last. It takes a strong commitment of time, emotional , and physical investment; things that could impede on a path to success. Why lock you down in a relationship, all the while leaving you lonely at night in the event he’s chasing his dream for days, weeks, or even months at a time. Does this mean the time spent with you and kind words from him are in vain? Absolutely not. If he’s emotionally and physically drawn to you, of course he’s going to act on it especially if it’s mutual. That’s human nature. So yes, he acts as if he’s in a relationship, but doesn’t want the expectations that come along with. While he has relationship feelings, he’s not relationship ready. This situation is as rare as are the good men who still exist, and it’s worth mentioning for that very reason. Don’t put what you want over who you want it with. Having the right ingredients doesn’t mean the cake is ready.
After fully understanding his reasoning for waiting, give it time. And no, “enough time” doesn’t mean “When you’re tired of being patient”. You can give him the ultimatum and force him to commit to instead of losing you, and your premature initiative will leave the enjoyment of the union one-sided. The last thing you want to hear down the road is, “Well I didn’t want a relationship in the first place.” Don’t get in a relationship because you’re tired of being single. If he’s good to you, good for you, and you have no doubt about his love then he’s worth the understanding.