Do Black Men Prefer White Women?

I have to put some context around this answer before you start filling in your own blanks. Keep in mind, my perspective is formed from a small sample size of the people I’ve met so hold your “Nuh-unh not me’s” for the comment section. It’s not that easy to say yes or no but generally speaking, can we say that there seems to be a growing trend of black men choosing white women? Yes. Does that mean we prefer them….

What black men prefer is respect, to be allowed the leadership role in a relationship, some not so classy things in the bedroom, cooking, and defined roles. These are things that aren’t so high up on the priority list of the modern black woman, and while a lot of this is quite stereotypical, there’s some sense to be made of it all.  A lot of us grew up in single parent households seeing our mothers, the strong black queens they are, holding it down, making it happen with little to no help. Our mothers passed down those hard learned life lessons to their daughters teaching them that self-sufficiency is the key to happiness. Now…our mothers were raised by a different generation and given the proper skills to raise a family within the structure of a traditional relationship, but had to go to plan B when Pops hit the highway. This is when those days of a man being the king of the household began to thin themselves out. So the modern black woman grew Imageup with that reality in mind and doing whatever it took to not wake up to it. She also wasn’t taught to cook for a family, to keep a house clean, or to tolerate a man’s authority so long as she had money to go out to eat, cleaned up after herself, and was educated enough to make her own decisions. Anything else is borderline if not outright oppressive and outdated. It’s even prevalent in mainstream media. How many times have you heard anthems about a woman who wants to raise children and support a husband as opposed to ‘Independent chick” anthems? Many would say that black women aren’t as freaky as white women and even though that’s highly debatable, I’ll let you in on a little secret….brothers like freaky.

On the contrary, white women’s households kept much of those traditions in tact throughout the generations thus facilitating the stereotypical “Soccer Mom” persona that we associate with them today. They didn’t have the destruction of the communities, mass incarceration of their men, etc that we did. So there certainly are unfair odds in their favor when it comes to the traditional wife role being played.

What I’m saying is, the premise of a lot of these “stereotypes” actually holds up against historical logic. It’s not all just ignorance, bias, or one-sided perspectives. So after all this understanding and context that we now have, the question remains…do black men prefer white women? GENERALLY SPEAKING….NO. In 2012 it just seems to take so much more effort to love a modern black woman with everything it comes with. We want you, but we want you to support and appreciate us. You can’t confuse your attitudes with strength, us being a leader with oppression, or you being supportive with you taking a backseat. Those are the most common misconceptions that gets exhausting for us to deal with on top of the pressures of just being a black man in America. No, I’m not even remotely saying women only belong behind a stove and on her back. By all means, pursue your dreams, start your own businesses, enjoy life. But everybody can’t play point guard and expect to win a championship. Let men be men. By nature we are leaders, protectors, and providers. We have a loyalty to those innate characteristics before we have a loyalty to date within our race. I know, the modern black man’s not exactly a picture of perfection either, but if you’re going to cater your beliefs of a relationship to anyone, let it be the man who’s got his mind right. There’s plenty of us that prefer you and we’re more than willing to love you if you’ll just let usImage

-Derrick Jaxn

51 thoughts on “Do Black Men Prefer White Women?

    • So many are to be had being that it’s quite vague on such a loaded subject but I did my best to sum it up in a single byte. Thank you for reading 🙂

  1. The minute I saw the title, my best friend and I immediately started talking before we even read the blog. And its funny because once I read it, I realized that I was making the same points that you made. Black women are just historically imbedded with the need to be strong because that’s what we’ve had to do. Black men have been lynched, thrown in jail, or have just plain left and Black women had no choice but to step up and play the mother AND father role in the household. As a Black woman, I don’t mind Black men dating outside of their race, just don’t put me down in the process. What upsets me is when Black men REFUSE to date Black women because their own stereotypical reasons.

    • Lol that’s dope. But as for the black men who refuse black women, everybody has different experiences that changes the course of our thinking. Remember when one stove burnt you, you watched out for every stove from then on right?

    • I agree with you on your opinion about Black Women position in society which not by choice but do to survival of her being and the black human race. It behooves me when black men pretend not to see why Black Women stand up for themselves. As the stereotypical white females are described as pure, selfless, understanding, beauty, not demanding and everything else that’s good, just remember the white females on all of the reality shows that are selfish, demanding gold diggers simple out to get what they think they are entitle to and society and black men think they are suppose to get simply because they are white. So many black men are wrapped up on the slave mentally that just because they are able to get access to and/or have the interest of a white woman, I must be special. On the hand, Some black man slam a double-standard on a Black Woman and figure she should be happy with whatever she gets without wanting the best in live, because then she’s looked at as having too more high standards and wanting too much. However, these are the same standards the black man is willing gives to a white woman without hesitating and/or being asked. Pull the veil off of your conscious black men and admit your falses and you will learn to love, serve, provide and protect a Black Woman without reservations just as you do with other races.

  2. I talk to a lot of black guys because that is what I like and that is what they are always saying my benefit the other girls loss

  3. This is unfortunately, very true. I grew up around my grandparents and their brothers and sisters and they ALL had traditional marriages, roles, etc. I honestly LONG for the type of stability and structure they had and yes, that the soccer mom has. I TRULY believe that black families have suffered from the new format of the one parent household. Growing up in both, simultaneously, I’ve experienced both sides of the coin and therefore developed the ability, as you stated before, to switch from plan A to B, whenever necessary.

    I completely believe in cooking, cleaning, being freaky, letting a man be a man, all that good stuff.. Initially, men seem shocked because, as you’ve said, black women don’t seem to do these things as much anymore, though I do know many. But over time, they start displaying shady behavior and I switch to plan B mode, INSTANTLY! The fear of being dragged down and struggling to resurface by a man who may have never had a responsible male role model, motivates me to be strong/independent. Its an exhausting cycle, one that I wish would come to an end.

    So I understand why black men AND women might seek other options. No one wants to come home to a constant battleground and struggle. We’ve got enough of that outside. You SHOULD be able to come home, relax, share your day with your significant other, enjoy each other, eat, cuddle, whatever. Regrettably, this seems to be a dying traditional in the black home.

  4. This is sooo off base and quite frankly something I have never done but I would like to connect with you. Or are you already taken?

    • Well how is it off base? I speaking to a general majority. There are exceptions to every rule but there’s no way to say anything that applies to each and every individual, just have to get in where you fit in. And yes I’m on Twitter @DerrickJaxn and on facebook at Derrick Jaxn

  5. I agree with alot of what you stated. I have been in a few serious relationships and married once. Not once did I hava a problem with what I believe to be my role in our relationship. I come from a pretty healthy household, my parents have been married for almost 40 yrs. My mom has been a house wife my entire life and worship my daddy ( after God ) like the true king he is. And he has always taken care of my mom. My parents were great examples of what to expect and what not to accept. So I learned my value early. My issue has been that it’s hard to appreciate and cater to someone who doesn’t value you as a woman. I have a low tolerance for mistreatment of me, period. I know I am a hell of a woman and that should be appreciated.

    As long as we have honored God I have no problem with pleasing my man. By any means necessary.

  6. Oh man I wanna respond on so many things here…you are very right it is a loaded issue, and can easily turn into something else that I think is a more relative question here.
    Can men be faithful and committed to their families, whether its with a white or black woman?

    Perhaps this is where the attitude is coming from. The fact that we are tired of being responsible for their (the man) roles. And all the while, they are having issues with keeping their pants up! Its been my experience that this seems to be the problem. I see way too many woman, both white and black holding it down, being mother and father to these children, while these men keep creating more babies, and stepping outside the relationship.

    I am 38 year old Italian woman, raised by a single mother. I have 2 of thee most beautiful mixed girls, one 18, the other 7. The strength they will inherit from me, I believe will be due to the circumstance of this life they were given, their attitude will depend on how they are treated by others. I love and prefer black men, but they need to stop contributing to the stereo typical thoughts that are out there. The grass is never greener on the other side, if a man wants green grass he needs to water it!

    Just some of thoughts…..and I am not judging all black men..but I feel it is a real problem.

    • Well for the sake of length, I didn’t go on a tangent about the black men who need to get their act together, which by the way isn’t my primary audience when I do write. But the article in its proper context is speaking to the pressures of society on our black women to conform to white women and also the 2nd class image of a black woman vs a white woman in America and how it translates into preferential trends amongst black men. I wouldn’t say your question is more or less relevant(maybe to you), but I will say it’s a completely different subject while related. Basically, it’s like you’re bringing your broken leg to me but asking for a band-aid for your elbow. To your point, men can be faithful to both, but there will always be those who don’t. The REAL man is the one who’m I’m referring to in my article, not the grown ass boys we all know are far from few in number. I mean if you can’t keep a no good man, don’t need to cry over spilled milk. But there’s a general conception amongst black women that 1, they’re not as attractive to black men as the white woman and 2. They’re not as worthy of marriage as the white woman. That misguided thinking is what i looked to dismantle. There’s definitely more problems out there that deserve attention but remember…one article at a time…..

    • Right on sister..I am a black woman who have always wanted to hear from a white woman what she feel about this loaded subject. .all I can say is right on sister right on!

  7. Thank you for your perspective. Of all of the perspectives that I have read on the subject, this is the one that I have to say that I can most identify with. Although I can’t speak for black women and how they were raised, I will say that I am a prime example of being raised in a home with traditional values. I am white, but am by no means a push-over. On the contrary, I am an intelligent, executive level professional who would describe herself as definitely having an A-Type personality. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I weren’t. The love of my life happens to be a successful black professional man. In the course of our relationship, we have received our fair share of scowls, whispers, stares and “haters”. We remain together and unaffected. However, I believe the way I was raised and the fact that I hold strong to my traditional values as being a key component in him feeling appreciated and respected. I cook, I clean and my home (which includes my kids and man) is number one…even taking a backseat to my career. I learned this from my parents and the example they set for me. There was never a day when I grew up that my mom didn’t serve my dad’s plate first. She didn’t do it because she was subservient to him; she did it out of love and respect. There are many things that I do on a daily basis that I know my man truly appreciates. I listen to him; I respect him and his viewpoint; I uplift him and encourage him when he’s down; I let him know we are a team and with that, you will never hear a slanderous word come from my mouth about him. At the end of the day, he knows that if there is one person who has HIS back…it is ME. I know that if there is one person that has MY back, it is HIM. Respect, love and admiration is key in what makes our relationship strong ….it doesn’t matter that he’s black and I’m white.

    • It’s extremely appreciated to have your view point. I tried to be as fair and thoughtful as possible to make sure I was being accurate to some degree. It’s important to remove bias in order to get to logic. If you’re doing that for your man, keep doing it. More than compliments or pats on the back, the most important thing for a man to get from his woman is support(aside from respect). Support comes in the form of those meals, those encouraging words, and even in difficult times a helping financial hand. But if a man knows he’s supported by the one he loves most, he feels empowered, strong, and confident which are critical to our survival as much as food and water. Keep up the good work 🙂

  8. Very enlightened, thank you for sharing your perspective. Where do other ethnic women fit in? I often see this topic addressed as black & white but not typically including other ethnicities. I am Latina & curious; are we considered same as white women, same as black women or all together different?

    • Latina are definitely in a category all their own. The reason i specifically put black and white is because of the historical resume. With the way media pressures black women to conform to white women, the struggle for rights between blacks and whites, etc. There’s more of a premise to go on as opposed to black men who are choosing latina, asian, arabic, or another race.

      • Wow. Thank you for your perspective on this! I am a white woman who dates black men, I prefer them. But this makes so much sense to me now when I think back to my boyfriend (now ex) of 2 years telling me he was not used to someone caring about him. Ya know, cuz I cooked, cleaned, did his laundry for him, talk and listen to him. Whatever. But I do those things out of love. I work as well and dont mind doing those things for my man especially because he doesnt EXPECT ME TO. Thats another story! LOL but that’s just how I am.

      • Yes, Latina’s (including myself-Cuban) are in a different category. We too encounter situation’s with men where we are not white enough or black enough….At the end of the day just love and believe in yourself. I’m looking for one man, I don’t care if he is green, purple, or blue…Just be a real man=)

  9. Great read and definitely insightful. I myself was brought up with a two parent home but my mother was the worker bee. She worked two jobs and long hours and I being the older sibling had to cook and manage my younger siblings which instilled in me something that carried over into my adult hood. I never wanted to be the one that had to depend on any man for anything, I have been married for 12 years and still feel this way. Don’t get me wrong my husband is the partner that holds me down but in the back of my mind there is always a what if…. I believe most “self proclaimed” INDEPENDENT BLACK WOMEN have that mentality I want him to love me I want a family but I can maintain and provide if he is not there. We get used to previous failed relationships and build a brick wall up that only the strongest man could survive and alot of the times they bail out seeking the more well mannered,less high maintenenced mate that will cook clean and abide by all of his rules and put up with his crazy. I believe it takes a very special man to tame a beast and honey YES we are that sometimes but when you teach us to love and that we can trust you enough to be submissive we are the most ride or die chicks you will ever meet…..again great read

  10. I have a question for you. Both black men and women have fallen short. Why do you think black women remain “loyal” in a sense, while the men are opting for different races?

    • Well it’s all case by case because there are black women who are feeling free to venture out as well. But when I look at the modern black man vs the white man, there’s not much of a contrast. Both still expect to play the same role and are quite similar in that we like food, sex, and peace of mind no matter the race. Pretty simple. Women on the other hand aren’t so much so. There’s huge differences on personality and expectations

    • Well..I can’t say that the wave of black men dating Asians is as prevalent. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve even come close to dating an Asian or feeling like one was attracted to me. So that’s a possibility in the future but we’ll see 😉

  11. Sorry I do not believe that colour is what you should love or choose. That would be so superficial. My opinion: you only have two kinds of people good ones and bad ones. The rest is really not important enough to let it be in the way of the love one can share with an other person. besides on moments that matter we close our eyes to experience the feeling or the emotion of the moment.

    • This is the real truth of the matter and the real truth in your article. Love isn’t about color or race or about one person having to make sacrifices for the other. It is about a partnership and having mutual respect for each other.

      Not that it makes a difference at all but my partner is black and I am white. We both work hard. We both share the household chores, the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, washing the car, digging the garden and all the rest of it. There are some things he does better than me and vice versa but if it needs doing and he is tired I do it. If I am tired he will do it. It’s about living life together. He takes the lead when necessary but then so do I. I respect him and he respects me. We both give each other room to grow and love in our relationship. Isn’t that what it’s about and isn’t that what women of any color, with whatever background should be learning in the 21st century.

      It is about respect, support and appreciation and it goes both ways and is color blind or it doesn’t go at all.

  12. Very well said… I felt like I wanted to fight you on everything you said but I truly could not because it was the truth.

    I grew up in a single mom household and now I am a single mom as well. Seeing how my mother dealt with issues and circumstances when I was younger helped to develop strength and independence within me. I just got off of an 8 year roller coaster with the wrong man; a man that did not have the proper influences in his life, so therefore he could not be the man (protector, provider, lover, etc) that our family needed him to be. For years i felt like i was doing it alone, being the provider, mother and rock for my children and that took a level of strength that ended up turning me into a guarded woman. I am kind, nurturing,successful, educated, i like to cook, but unfortunately it will take any other man a while to break down the walls that I had to put up in order to remain focused and stay strong for my children.

    Looking at myself now and what I have become because of the actions of one man, makes me realize the truth behind what you are saying in this article. Right now I wouldn’t even know how to let a man be a man because I have always had to be that for myself. I see why a black man would turn to a more appealing option.

  13. I enjoyed ur thoughts and what you said is true. I think we as people have to understand the things that impact our lives cuz the same can be said for men who grow up in homes without a father figure. Who teaches him how to be a man the provider, to be strong or how to love his women. IT’s like rolling dice. You have to make the most of what you get and learn and grow with eachother.

  14. Thank you… very thought filled. I had heard these same words from a man I am dating. Your words helped explain a situation I find myself in but didn’t completely understand. Now I have a greater understanding of the dynamics that are being played out in our relationship.

  15. This is as true as it can get; because l have experienced this in my life. Just going to send this to a few people who l know will benefit from this article( genius bit of writting there mate.)

  16. Yes Black men do prefer White women and Latinas over Black women. Don’t worry, they will get their day when they will need Black women and none of their non Black women will give a two cents about them and leave them. Most non Black women prefer their own men not Black men but they are open to dating Black men for sexual experimentation. then if they want to be in a serious relationship, most of these non Black women go to their own men and settle down and get married.

    • Out of spite, I can see why you’d say that. I think it’s more of the other way around, just from what I’ve personally seen. For instance, I see more white women snatching up the (not so good) black men, being there waiting for them when they get out of prison, making babies with them, etc than the other way around. Normally those relationships don’t come with a ring, but there’s still that commitment and settling down that goes on. There’s definitely a level of sexual curiosity from other races and I believe that part is gender neutral but as far as other races going back to their own to settle down, that usually happens with white men, as opposed to white women doing that. But we’re entitled to our personal perspectives.

  17. …A lot of good points. And as a Latina, I can say this also very much applies to Latino men and white women. I agree, for the most part. I was raised by a single mother that did it all and it made me grow up as a highly independent, proud and hardworking woman. I need very little from a man, or a woman for that matter. I take pride in that. But in my case, it does not mean that I cannot allow a man to come in an lead – so long as I trust him to do so. I actually prefer it. One gets tired of being strong 24/7.

  18. The growing trend you are talking about has become an epidemic; don’t have to trust you or take your word for it, I have eyes and see. This is a conversation that is on the lips of many African American Sisters truthfully; as they prepare to embrace the idea of being forced to date the way many black men do! Things that make you go hummmmmm! Definitely a rich conversation piece and one many African American Women would love to engage in… Thx for sharing xxxooo

  19. I have always wondered why, hating on the white women for stealing our men. Only realizing now that we are giving our men away. I love been a strong black woman, but it gets tiring. I want to feel like a woman without feeling like I need to be a man.
    Again thank you for this insight.

  20. Loyalty to date within our race?? I was always taught to look beyond race, beyond color and my grandmother is very old fashion… only raised us to cater to our men like a king not choose him because of his race!! I was a little let down by this, not saying black men do prefer white women!! Everyone prefers something different, just didn’t agree with the loyalty to date within our race comment!! Like I get bad mouthed, looked at, and discouraged because my child is bi-racial and the fact I prefer a black man before a white man!! No one should ever think a race prefers one over the other or their own before any other race!! I completely understand by what you mean when you talk about how we were raised back generations but it shouldn’t be labeled.. my mother was a single mother of three girls and had to raise us in the projects.. so maybe that’s why I feel the way I do… but I don’t know!! Just as a white woman reading this, I was a little offended by the loyalty to date within our race, felt that was being a little racist!! Labeling “whites” do this and “blacks” act like this is why our world isn’t the same we grew up in.. that fact I fear for my daughter’s future!! And reading the last comment.. are you serious… stealing y’all men?? They are not your men, they are children of God’s and they find love in whom ever God beings them too!! Quote: Ever want to hear God laugh, tell him your plan for life.. you do not plan your life, God does!! He has us all here for a propose, some serve theirs sooner then others and no one may ever know exactly what theirs is!! But saying we are stealing men or y’all are “giving” them away, sweetie you don’t have to steal anything that comes on it’s own and if your giving them away and they don’t come back they weren’t yours in the first place!!

    -Opinion of a mad/disappointed white woman..

    • You should change the last sentence of your comment to
      “Opinion of a mad/disappointed white woman who took the blog completely out of context”.

      If you read correctly I said, “We have a loyalty to those innate characteristics before we have a loyalty to date within our race.” If anything, that denounces being stricken to dating within the race which makes your entire rant off base. It’s saying that men are more willing to choose happiness over trying to appease women of our race which is the right thing to do and for women to do the same as well. Please read carefully in the future. I hate when my readers get upset with me. 🙂

      P.S. Calling me racist is like shooting a middle finger at Stevie Wonder.

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