Letter in a Bottle

You’re probably wondering why this letter is in a bottle. Well I finally gave up on trying to get your new mailing address from your mother who insists I need to leave you alone. So maybe you and your new family will be on vacation and the waves may bring this to your feet. Just a few things I never told you or got off my chest. Too busy…loving love instead of trying to sustain it. I’ve been begging God for your visit, your call, but at this point I’ll settle for you just reading this letter. Because I can’t die without you knowing that I Imagealways loved you. Actions don’t speak louder than those words because I know I didn’t always show it. I mean I went 19 years knowing every kind of girl other than the one for me; was I supposed to get it right on the first try? You see, there I go making excuses again. I never should have lied to you. I never should have tried to make you feel guilty for wondering who else was on my mind. If I could do it all again, I’d walk the other way and come back once I was ready. Lord knows I wasn’t ready, but he didn’t tell me. No it’s not his fault, see he knows what you deserve. So don’t think of me happening to you as punishment for anything, you’ve done no wrong. Before the man for you came along, God sent me to show you what to never go back to. For that, I’m thankful because now you’re happy. As for me, dying alone is inevitable. God used me just like I did him and I’d be a fool to think we were on any kind of good terms. I hope you still smile like you used to when you looked in the mirror and I told you how beautiful you were to me. That part was true and if you don’t believe me, look again. I’m sure it hasn’t changed. I have a question…Does he sneak up behind you then kiss you gently when you turn around? You used to love that. I know it’s none of my business, but if I don’t say it now, I may never have another chance. It would be nice to never have to make a mistake to learn from it. But I blew it. I wish I was half the man you thought I was then maybe we’d still be together. Missing you is so painful. My tears are making my vision a little blurry so maybe it’s time for me end this letter. Maybe God will let me wait outside heaven’s gates for you….just until you arrive, for one last embrace before we go our seperate ways for good. Even though I don’t deserve it, they said he’s good like that even to people like me. We’ll see.

-Jaxn

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