There was a 20 something year old young lady who consulted with me after reading my previous blogs. She was juggling her decision to stop having sex until marriage. It caught me off guard a bit, but coincidentally I do have a stance on the subject in which I told her she shouldn’t stop having sex….here’s why:
Notice, I didn’t say that it’s wrong to be celibate because generally speaking it’d be ideal for everyone to wait until marriage. Outside of various religious norms, it actually would save you a lot of trouble if you have a commitment in the eyes of the law to the person you’re giving yourself to physically. Her situation was different in her reasons why she wanted to be celibate yet similar to so many women in today’s society. This particular young lady was tired of “putting out” with cooking, cleaning, and catering overall to her guy of interest and felt like it wasn’t fair that he was satisfied and she wasn’t with his lack of commitment.
Her way of settling the score was to cut off sex until he decided he wanted to settle down and that was the red flag that brought me to my decision. Ladies, you can’t trick a man into settling down with you, even if you use the most powerful thing in the world, vagina. It’s convenient to believe this is the best route because you will in fact hit him where it hurts, but your retaliation to not getting what you want won’t be very effective in yielding the results you’re looking for. Abruptly cutting a man off from sex without mutually agreeing it’d be beneficial to both of you will only leave him with a bruised ego and looking for another sexual outlet to restore his esteem. I advised her to not only cut off sex, but be prepared to cut off everything including her feelings until he was ready for the full package. Being an “all or nothing” deal is your best bet for finding a man who’s ready to settle down, not cutting off sex. Once you let a man know where you stand up front, and get past his initial attempts to hold you to your word, it’ll be much easier to filter out those men who aren’t at least ready to put forth the effort you deserve. Marriage at that point will only be a name change and paper work, and sex won’t even be an issue. 🙂